My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

And the Oscar goes to… she’s laughing. It’s already night. The sun went down and we’re still in the kitchen that looks like a mess. A large chaos like a bomb went down on us. She wants to say my name but I’m calling hers out first. Teamwork. Since noon we’ve been cleaning the kitchen from scratch. Pots, pans, dishes of all kinds and shapes, glasses, cutlery, spoiled and fresh food, veggies, jams, cheeses and dairy products all around us. Electronic devices covered in dust and grease, knife blocks, bowls, empty bottles, oily dirty plastic containers everywhere it looks like we’ve just started when it took us an entire day to even get here. Uncountable washing clothes, sponges and scrubbing utensils surrounding us. I put on the next dish washing machine. No electricity the entire day, only cold water making it feel like the work became more rather than less. Hills of dirty laundry in the hallways, the washing machine off - no power. Scrubbing, cleaning, washing, cooking.  I’m in Adj...

Let me add something about Lina. We sit at our daily watermelon party. He’s talking sweet about my dad and our time together. People walking in and out smiling at me. Ah you’re back, how are you? I know everyone. Like home. Like home again wherever I go. Two hours of studying the Georgian alphabet, my head bursting from curly letters, not having studied a long time, my eyes are tired, another day in the city has passed what feels like within minutes; ideas growing inside of me while I try to recover from all that’s been happening in such a short time. Three days later it's not only ideas growing inside of me. It's the entire cosmos conspiring for me in a way so spectacular, I could have not imagined, exceeding any expectation for the moments I had.  Running back to the Hostel, it's yet my third Saturday afternoon. Two weeks of Tbilisi, two weeks full of magic, of encounters dissolving around the decision I made. Fully and consciously as so many people who love me have don...

This is the universe answering my dad says as I finish chanting the mantra. I can’t believe he’s saying this after today and our fight the day before.  You have a super daughter . She said the first day we arrive, every time when she’s coming around, bringing another delicious homemade dish, smiling at me: Lina, how are you?  I have to lie today because the fighting with my dad is taking a lot of me. The root causes. I dismissed all of my male friends except for my dad from my life was my standing. Our fights deeply rooted in his past and my presence. Not being seen by him, him not caring about my feelings, let alone my boundaries, throwing me into my childhood trauma dramatically, overwhelmingly, he himself. Twisting my words, gaslighting me for what the situation is about. Claiming things I haven’t done or said, not listening. Giving him feedback on his behavior, he rejects every word coming out my mouth, making it seem like nothing I see, feel or think about a situation is...