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Showing posts from February, 2025

These Days

 These days. These days that I feel so disconnected and connected at the same time. That I feel like nothing is happening and everything is happening at the same time. That I am not so sure how to really exist and at the same time I am. These days that I feel like I am too much and I am not enough. But mostly not enough. Not looking on my bank account because I am afraid what I will see. Not looking in the mirror because I am afraid what I will see. Not looking into the inside because I don't find the discipline. Not holding through my practice giving in before. As I start typing surely my master from last year is showing up right in front of me. I thought about him. Earlier. I think about so many things these days. So many people and places, encounters and conversations. Perceiving so many notions these days. Unable to give them names. Random thoughts, perceptions, ideas. Observations about myself and the world  around me. About people surrounding me physically and others I t...

See you on the other Side

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  It's been three nights it's seemed to be hard to fall asleep for me. Full Moon. It could be part of it. Or all my thoughts about what to do with my life, if I'm happy or not, or the weather or what I eat or the late coffee I had or none of the above. Always we're trying to find reasons when really it doesn't matter at all for the end result what has caused it. Fact is I'm not sleeping. For hours I'm lying awake in my bed listening to the surrounding sounds, the noises of evening Rishikesh turning into night after I've switched off my phone at 9pm after real estate managing everyone who is still looking for a home around here. I should get commission for it by now. Yes 9. It's 9 only. Even 10 is early for people my age to go to sleep or really anyone at all. Older, younger, anyone beyond the age of Kindergarten probably sleeps later than that and yet since I've arrived back to Rishikesh this seemed to be the time when my eyelids became heavy and...