My Magic Mind

 Being uncovered feels so freeing. It is just every time like a miracle when I yet reveal another trick of my mind/ego. Maybe it could be easier to recognize the ego if it came just in one clear shape as all our other internal organs do to identify it but it doesn't. And this is where I start getting mislead every time. When I try to identify my ego to see where it is trying to cover up my pain or trying to judge over others it instantly changes its form once I start getting a peak of it misguiding me into believe I found my way through my mind into my clear consciousness. But really it just has transformed its shape from one sort of ego into another. So once I start recognizing my pain ego is active and try to lay it open and work with it transforms into my spiritual ego making me believe I revealed its secret and now truly understand my pain and am so enlightened to understand what my pain had been trying to tell me. When I am in my spiritual ego mostly it takes me a lot more time to find out that I am not really in my spiritual higher consciousness or I do not find out at all.

I have now been tricked by my mind and have seen its various face uncountable times and still it works on me over and over again in a fascinating way. It is not like a one time discovery that once I've discovered it I could just identify it every single time and break it open and let go of it because that again would be a trick of the ego making me believe that I truly understood its nature, finding confirmation in the outside world that I finally understood how it works making me feel a lot better. That would be a lie to myself because now I see that again and again I do walk into the same traps. Just it doesn't take as long anymore as it used to before to bring it into light. 

I really start developing a deep admiration and appreciation for my spiritual ego because it has helped me so many times already to see and understand how much I am still in pain looking through my own glasses of formed opinion and judgement fooling me into believe I wasn't. Mindblowing. This master mind of spiritual ego is so intelligent in tricking me regularly into situations where I'm sure I am in my higher self acting out of love just to discover afterwards that I've again mistaken my pain for love projecting it on to another person by pointing fingers, analysing the other person's incoherencies and "blind spots" to distract myself from the insight that I know so well but keep forgetting whenever I am trying to protect myself - the whole world around me as a mere mirror of my inside. 

When something is bothering me, no matter in what way this shall manifest - being annoyed, angry, sad, upset, ashamed, furious, hurt, frustrated or disappointed "with someone else" this is just our mirror. And here already goes another very important factor how our mind can trick us - language. Language is a conceptual means of communication so by its intrinsic nature it separates, discriminates, labels and judges on all levels. It therefore creates an identity that we get attached to that again creates a false sense of separation between ourselves and others which makes us believe that it could actually be the other one who is responsible for our pain.

In that way we might hear ourselves (or mind) say things like: "He really got me furious today." or "I am so disappointed in her" or "How could she do this to me?". Truth is nobody can do anything to us. The only thing that lies outside of ourselves are the triggers that make our own pain shine, bring it into light and therefore the only function the outside world fulfils the one as a mirror reflecting our personal inside that we may or may not be aware of. If we are not we will tend to separated us from the truth project it on the outside, mostly a person.

I've been aware of this very simple truth for quite some time now and still my mind will be able to overrule it from time to time when I am not aware of my deepest feelings by using exactly that as its tool telling me that I do know so much about myself, that I am such a reflected person, deeply connected to my inner feelings and spiritual growth. So mindful that I can see it all - and there goes the catch. 

Learning coaching myself, having a dad who is a therapist and coach as well, having been into the topics of psychology, philosophy and spiritual growth for a long time is actually the part that made my spiritual ego so admirably strong and wise in a twisted sense that it could fool me for so long keeping me away from my consciousness despite all my knowledge because this is exactly what it used to build up this very strong opinionated mind giving me the impression over all these years that it was wisdom, that it was spirituality, the it was my clear mind of love. I know now it is not. This is my own personal multi-layer-dream that I just begin to understand and start to break open. All the things that I believed as being my spirit and love was identification with the knowledge of it. But not connecting to it in my heart, quieting my mind. In opposite it told me the story of me being spiritual which became my biggest blind spot.

My support and help to uncover and get out of this multilayered dream is by stepping out of myself and therefore everything else that is connected to me as a persona, my own identification of thoughts feelings and false beliefs. The only way the leave this misperception of false self is by becoming the observer. That way I can finally get out of my biased view on situations I am hurt. This whole multi-layer mind  trick trap game might still go on for many years maybe even as long as I am on this planet but with the right attention and intention it will make it easier to uncover it a bit faster and with more ease over time and will therefore hopefully cause less pain. For me and for others.

Let's grow in Love.