From Spiri cave to spiri Hell

...where physical aspects of the outer world end and dissolve in the being the energy dissolving the physical body integrating into the Universe, the collective mind, the collective existence, oneness. True connection cannot grow from one ego to another one, this can only bring competition, comparing and therefore create the opposite. Discrimination. Disconnection. Sharing our hearts, our souls with deep respect and care for one another we are the creators of love, because we are, oneness, through understanding, combining, evolving, dissolving, transforming, creating something new, something bigger exponentially growing into endlessness, Universality. Spiritual interconnection. Universality begins where the ego ends. Spirituality begins where integration of our ego begins evolving into letting go of it, seeing it, embracing it, being aware of it.

It was a roller coaster of emotional challenges, being the mirror, being the absorber for pain, not seen, not given space out of another spiritual ego's needs, not being able to look outside anymore, being clouded in its overly active, spiritual practices, trying to look inside at all times, forgetting to look outside, connecting to reality when really the only way we can truly learn to see ourselves, our pain, our inside is through other people's reflection, their love, their honesty, their openness, their understanding helping us, carrying us, showing us when we are unable to see our reactions clearly because we have been triggered, we turn blind because we are too closely connected to our pain, our fear, maybe even identified with it.

Other than that we can practice all we want, use all the tools we like from meditation, yoga, over energy work, body and mind work, coaching whatever we might feel could bring us closer to ourselves will only do the opposite. We will be a prisoner once again of our own mind and thoughts, captivated in our own egoic spiritual mind. We will instead project our pain on to other people in the outside because we cannot see when the triggers are being pulled, believing that all our practice has already made us understand ourselves, see ourselves clearly, flying high in awe for ourselves, when our real practice only begins where life starts in interaction with other living beings. This is our true challenge. Being in love, in openness in humbleness, in empathy with other people, their pain, connecting, giving space instead of putting our own struggles on them increasing the hurt, generating more difficulty, energy that cannot connect but only separates. In our urgent need of being seen, wanting to be understood for who we are we create the opposite by pushing another person away. If we are stuck at this point in our own emotions our own mind, we stop having a window to look outside and therefore design the opposite of what we originally needed. When we start looking outside instead, in the attempt to understand what people around us wish for, what they need and care for, focusing on their well being and contentment we could not feel dissatisfaction anymore.

From what I believe spirituality lies in exactly that field of energy, connecting our inside to the outside world in love. In healing, in sharing together with each other, interconnecting. For me the term spirituality expresses the integration of our spirit, our heart inside and out, growing together, opening up to each other, having compassion for one another in kindness generating an understanding, safe space for each and every one of us to reconnect in our hearts. Empathizing in each others emotions, with one another's pain, not throwing our anger, our fear, frustration, shame like a shadow on the outside, pushing them into the light for everyone to see and feel or rather like a black curtain being dropped on other people, burdening everyone around us with our own healing process but sharing it in honesty, vulnerability and trust.

When we think we are healing pain only by waking up every morning pushing through our tightly filled schedule we call "spiritual practice" for 12 hours each day, living in our own personally built spiritual identity we are most probably achieving quite something else because this is then only connecting to our spiritual ego, making it grow. One of the most powerful masks of the ego for a person who truly wants to heal and come into their spirituality, healing their pain. It is very hard to uncover, disclose it, see through it and overcome it because it is the one telling us how great we are doing in our energy healing work, on our way being even more "enlightened", open, reflected, connected than others, so bright awake, aware and mindful... and there we will run blindly into this very attractive trap, in our egoic spiritual mind which is the one disconnecting us from other people, from the life that is happening around us in the outside world, disables us from truly empathizing, being compassionate, kind and openhearted to others and ourselves. 

More and more I understand how I have been drawn strongly to people showing off their spiritual ego because I have been living similarly (and maybe still do at times) not being able at all times to separate the mind from my being and so I feel this connection in that belief I am dealing with a deeply spiritual person, acting from their love, who will care for me, see me, love me but naturally then the opposite happens. I would see their practice, I would be fascinated, I would want to learn, I feel a close feeling of familiarity until...

I am being used (unconsciously of course. I am not trying to blame anyone for anything because obviously I choose the people I spend my time with and so do they out of the best knowledge the best knowledge we both have at this specific moment in time) as an open field of projection for their pain, being pushed away, out of their life. Their discrepancies or discomfort, being expected to take on and over their suffering, dissolve it, make it go away which no one in the outside can ever do for us no matter how much we want it. At no point in life for no one. This is our own unique journey that everyone has to pursue on their own. The only and most admirable thing we can do is supporting each others spiritual growth as best as we know how to, in compassion, with kindness, from love, in love, with love, into love, transforming.

Understanding this more and more I comprehend spirituality as a connector between our inside world to the outside, in love and awareness. We cannot show it in a physical sense in the outside. It does not matter if we are meditating every day, chanting, doing energy healing, transformational therapy, coaching, breathing techniques and yoga. If we collect Buddha statues, rainbow colored paintings, decorating our houses with dream catchers, altars, unicorns, having a deck of tarot cards, reading endlessly books by Osho and Alan Watts, lightening up incenses to create a spiritual atmosphere, avoiding drugs, alcohol and tobacco demonizing animal products. All this means nothing. All these things are tools, techniques and decorations to support our spiritual healing and growth if we use them right but might as well become our own biggest enemy having the opposite effect on us when we let our ego use them to guide us into the wrong direction ending up just being distracted by them distancing ourselves from our true beings of love instead of healing our souls. This healing can solely be brought from our heart itself. Our engine of everything we will ever need in life.