Children of the World
We have learned that being loved by our parents underlies certain conditions that can come in all variations from bringing home good grades, being "friendly", well behaved, strong, behaving "appropriately" to not showing feelings and emotions. Growing up we needed to understand that we have to work for love, to achieve love, behaving a certain way, embodying a specific personality, fitting into a particular society, surrounding and culture to be fully accepted.
This upbringing means for either one of us being alive on this planet having to hide our deepest pains, traumata, fears, hide the sides of us that we believe wouldn't be accepted by our environment. The emotions we judge as being negative. Feeling sad, angry, lost, alone, unconfident, ashamed or self-conscious.
Wandering all around on this planet being heart broken from the moment we saw the light of day, feeling like tiny lost, broken souls, not knowing how to return to our heart, desperate to receive the unconditional love we have been missing for all our life. This is reality for 100 % of us. We were all born in this belief that love is attached to terms and conditions; seeking ourselves inside, projecting our struggles to the outside onto people, most of all the ones we love, trying to fill this hole deep inside of us. This cannot work as long as we have nothing to give; we cannot receive. When two beggars meet and reach into each others pockets they find - NOTHING. For this lack of love, being in need, feeling like we are not enough, not complete without a partner. Just we need to understand that a partner can never give us what we are missing. If I love myself only 30 % as I have learned and made it my belief that the remaining 70 % are unlovable and a person coming by loves me 40 % I will feel like this is so much more than what I have that I think I need this person but really this person doesn't even love half of me.
This is the trap we fall in as it remains our blindspot if we don't learn to cure our pains because as long as we do not love ourselves 100 %, know our true self-value, our worth, love ourselves unconditionally, all of us, neither can anybody else love us.
Now who are we mostly blaming for this emptiness? For our inner child, that is so much in pain, that hadn't received the love she deserved?
Most likely we will put the blame on our parents. Oh do we not all know so well what they did "wrong"? Where they made all the "mistakes" in our childhood, not seeing us, not accepting us for who we are. Were we not so fragile, so innocent, so dependent on their love? So much in need of their acceptance and support? How could they deny that to us at times and leave us alone or make us feel that we weren't worthy of that care we all naturally need to be safe in this world, in this life, in the future? Did they not disappoint us for life making it hard to trust anyone, to trust the world?
As this goes back in history of generations they have experienced exactly the same pain, the feeling of neglection, of not being loved for who they are, maybe even worse than us.
Once we understand this simple chain reaction can we not stop blaming them for our own pain and take over responsibility for our lives instead of handing it over to someone in the outside, giving away the key to our door of happiness? Why can we not forgive our parents for they feel the same pain and only always did what they knew best to do? Do we not at each moment in life act out of our best knowledge at the time given as we have developed it at this point?
So I am questioning myself how can we find a way to let go of all the unnecessary suffering caused by all of us to forgive the people we trusted the most that broke our heart, our trust deeply and fundamentally and made this our future?
Making this our life mission to find the way back into our hearts there is no other way but FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness for all the people who have hurt us, most of all and most importantly - our parents. Struggling with this task I've had many conversations with people I love, people who love me, people who share their feelings openly but struggle still and far most with forgiving their parents. It seems to be the most difficult quest in all our lives.
Thinking about ways, techniques, methods to overcome ourselves and let go of the blame we feel towards our parents an idea presented itself to me that drew a picture which makes it more understandable, maybe easier to break through the circle of blaming and pointing fingers and instead recognizing the pain, the burdens that our parents and everyone else is carrying on their shoulders.
Being aware of the fact that whenever pain is caused in whatever relationship it always goes back to one and the same source: our broken heart, represented as our inner child.
When we develop an understanding whenever difficult situations arise it truly is our inner child asking for help, for recognition, for acceptance love and cure we may as well be able to apply this to our parents. Acknowledging that they are human beings like everyone else walking around brokenhearted, hurt, as disappointed children that we all are, maybe we can find it in our heart to approach them with the same love and kindness that we would approach any child crying for help? Would we deny our help, our care, our protection to a child that is hurt? A child that is coming to us crying in pain so deeply, looking at us with their big eyes yearning for a home, a safe space?
I think most of us wouldn't deny their help and their care picturing that small, innocent, magical being.
So what is holding us back offering the same warmth to our parents? Why are we not able to forgive them for their wrong doings when all they did was crying for love? May we not forget when pain is caused in a relationship it always goes both ways. When I am hurt, it is my pain, my child crying. When my mom is hurt, it is her child crying. When one of us is not in pain anymore and instead is in their heart, embracing the other one looking through the grown up body and seeing the child ... we can begin to truly and completely heal in love.
So why shouldn't it be us taking over responsibility for our own healing process instead of giving it over to our parents (or anyone else for that matter), to the past that is already gone? How about we recognize that we are here now in the power to change what has already been done and transform it into a bright future full of light, happiness and love? What if we all started to open our arms and embrace our children? How about we see our parents as our children? How about we see everyone including ourselves as the innocent souls we all are and start the so urgently needed evolution of healing? Healing the pain that has been carried throughout uncountable generations? Could you imagine a world where instead of misery, pain and blame of our Egos fighting against each other, we could create a world where we reconnect in our hearts to our children, to us in love with kindness recreating the world as ONE?
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