Projection for protection or connection - The four levels of confusion

Having taken on the topic of my last attempt of opening my heart and have had it broken again brought me yet thankfully a new angle on my wild turmoil, introducing the different levels of human connection, projection and how all the entanglement was causing me emotional confusion I wasn't able to dissolve until now. Luckily now understanding that just because we do find connection with a person on one or two levels does not necessarily mean we truly connect as a whole deeply in our souls as this is the deepest and last level of spirituality. Setting apart the four levels of physique, emotion, mental state and spirituality helped me to find clarity over most of my "failed" past relationships going up into flames and understanding why I have stepped into similar patterns with very different people over and over again. As I haven't been aware of the multilayered channels through which we can connect with each and every person I was many times struck in total confusion by the complexity of my feelings towards people that seemed to be contradicting many times. Not being able to manage to clarify why in the be­ginng I sometimes felt such strong connection in so many ways when starting new relationships, intuitively opening up my heart just to find it broken again in similar ways only shortly after. Often thinking I was blind in my deep longing of finally receiving the love l desire so strongly I slowly discovered that there is more to it. 

Beating myself up over repeatedly facing the same outcome, not understanding at which point I hadn't learned, running blindly into the same

frustrating misery again, I found

myself sitting with the same

questions over and over again:

Should I not open my heart too early

when getting to know a person be­cause I cannot trust my intuition? Do I just pick the "wrong" people to be with? Did they only want my light but not me as a

person? Did I simply expect things that couldn't happen because I sabotaged the love from growing with my own pain? These and many more questions seemed valid to me in building healthy relationships but left me with no clear answer in the end. 

Being an empathic person, it can easily happen that you feel other people's emotions, offering open space for projection confusing it with connection. At least this is what I found has happened to me keeping me in the dark about whose feelings belong to whom and at which point I couldn't distinguish between them anymore, becoming a big confused ball of emotional strings attached to one another impossible to disentangle them at the end. 

I suspect people having fine sensors may be able to relate to these kinds of thoughts, perhaps having had similar experiences, feeling connected to someone from the very first moment but later finding out that on some other level it really didn't work, neither being able to predict it before nor understanding the why after. 

Discovering the four layers of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual connection and separating them from one another brought me some new perspective of the interaction between two souls. 

Connecting on the first two levels of interaction, feeling physically and/or emotionally close to another person can cause this kind of confusion. Being in different universes on the mental and spiritual level as I understand now makes a true connection in pure love at no point in time possible leaving me in misunderstood confusion and troubles with myself each time. 

I believe projecting our way of life on someone else as a protection mechanism instead of connecting to another person's being, their soulsoul and their heart cannot be the answer to come fully into our hearts. It will keep us in the same space, not moving, not getting the chance to change as you we don't look outside ourselves, looking inside the other person, who they truly are as everyone deserves it, using the chance of a different story for our growth in connection, to transform old pain into love as this is what we're all here for; functioning as a mirror for everyone we meet, given the chance each time (if we understand to use this opportunity) to split open, break through our old dysfunctional patterns and behaviours and understand where our pain lies, mostly deeply burried and well hidden for us to not see, where our toxic learnings block us from healing.

Getting to know someone I try practicing this as I want to uncover my deepest pains. In doing so I got hurt many times before because I opened myself up to learn, grow and heal in what others mirror me. Not being heard, not being loved as I often remain unseen, functioning as an open space for projection of undiscovered habits and old pain. 

Opening my heart courageously in trust giving love, not receiving it back the same way I end up the same.

I deeply believe in unlearning toxic behavioral patterns, ideas, perspectives,  our "truths" of life in order to detach from the conditional love we've all learned and come back into our hearts. For this transformation I believe it's necessary to ask questions over and over again, about what we've learned, our truths, our values in life, and our deepest beliefs in order to identify them as outdated or dysfunctional, as sabotaging or blocking, keeping us from thoroughly healing, uncovering their true nature and finally become who we truly want to be, our own best version, our higher self. Asking myself am I acting in projection for protection or in connection? Only our heart will know the answer. 

Every time we meet a new soul a chance of growth is offered to us, a chance of gaining new perspectives to change and learn, transform the pain inside ourselves as we let people touch our heart in trust, let them be our mirror and slowly heal. Yes it's painful, yes, we make ourselves vulnerable, yes it hurts but I am very willing to do this over and over again to hopefully love purely and unconditionally one day, unlock my heart and come closer to myself each day.