You’re my favorite Hello and my hardest Goodbye

 

And off we go in our private transport, through the jungle, away from the monkeys, peacocks and elephants into the tea plantations, looking to find cooler climate and fresh waterfalls.

Starting tired into my day yesterday, waking up with too little sleep the intercultural communication with my taxi friend is taking its toll on me. The first half of the day I experience as so many times a man inviting me for a trip claiming to do a favor as a friend, expecting something else in reality, turning it around, presenting himself as a good man and being the victim of my stopping him. The longer this interaction goes on the more angry and frustrated I get, wasting half the day trying to find a way of where to go and how to get there without my promised ride, finally getting here.

As I have other kind helping hands I find myself a local bus and from there on am led by the helpful people working all around me putting me into the right busses (11) and getting me out on spot where before I could walk too long into the wrong direction a Tuktuk stops with my host inside, taking me and my backpack off the jungle road to his amazing property. Right in the middle of the jungle, a huge piece of land, surrounded in green palm trees, terraces going up and down, outside sitting areas, restaurant and the most cozy and luxurious bungalows one could imagine for literally no money. I can’t believe my eyes, these places. 

Everything is arranged when he opens the door to my sleeping paradise. Two beautiful cozy beds, white sheets, wooden frame, little lanterns above each pillow, pink mosquito nets above making it look like a princess bed. A huge bathroom with a jungle shower, water coming out the rock, the clean white towels hung on a wooden rag. I feel like I should stay longer in this resort as I get out of the shower expecting my dinner and a cold beer with my newly encountered German friends. We talk, we laugh. Greedily I stuff an entire plate of rice into my mouth, slowly easing my appetite, downing the beer, feeling my eyes getting heavy. It’s only eight, I need to sleep, I’m exhausted. Shortly after nine I sink into a deep sleep in these comfortable sheets. 

I wake up, it’s only three. I don’t care. I have to get up at five anyway. Going to the national park, getting to see the typical animals of the region. Elephants. In families. The sun is rising, it’s getting hot again. I try to cover my skin. We’re getting back at only ten to enjoy our amazing breakfast already awaiting us. Noodle pancakes, topped with a spicy lentil dhal, Chili coconut paste and eggs bathed in curry sauce. It’s delicious. My first Singhali breakfast. As dessert a sweet pancake filled with coconut and honey. Heaven. While sticking our fingers into our plates trying to to stuff the noodle pancakes in our mouths, the brother of the owner offers us a private ride to our next destination instead of taking the public bus. We happily agree, grab our bags and get on to our ride saying goodbye to our incredible hosts for a new adventure to come.

New adventure together with the culture I’m still trying to adjust, adapt to, sometimes getting the worst of me. Alone traveling woman in a country that’s full of couples and families making me the perfect person to approach, invite and convince about things I don’t feel being convinced about. Finding my own boundaries touched at times, becoming annoyed when I don’t want to when people try to be my friend. Showing reactions I don’t like seeing in myself. Feeling torn between worlds. 

Nevertheless going into the beautiful hills of the jungle, feeling the vibe. Having a paradise place to recover with more friendly souls to meet, to connect to, opening up my space again. Balance. Still learning. Always. Trying my best to find myself, push through, and grow from what I’ve been given. In gratitude and humbleness I am trying to cultivate. Something I haven’t learned or practiced enough. Getting help wherever I go understanding that I’ve had it good and still do all along the way even when my frustration takes over worldly things. Laying in the hammock, drinking a beer, the paradise inside of me for me to expand and enhance. Interconnecting the pieces to enlarge.

The dawn is breaking, the air is fresh. I have to put a jacket on. You come outside the terrace “we’re ready”. I grab my things. Akila is speaking to us: “I go to the city. I can take you” what an amazing timing and that kindness again. Off we go down the jungle singing along to the music. “I will go back around 11/12. I can take or join you for a drink”. Service. We go find beer, the best food. Our friends join us. “You should go to South America, you will like it”. Diego gives me a home already. They agree. I get tired, more people join. We laugh, I drink more beer. We go to the club. A beautiful place. Incredible vibe. One love. I’m tired. I lay on the swing next to Diego, I take off my shoes. Everybody is getting a drink. I don’t. I feel alone. Lonely. Tears running down my cheek. Nobody cares. No one sees me. They “wake me up”. We’re leaving. No we’re staying, my part of the group. We go downstairs. More drinks, new people wanting to speak to me, be my friend. “Garmajoba”. Georgian. I get a drink. Dance. More friends. I feel lighter, my eyes don’t. Akila drives us back. Diego brings the cocktail. 

She needs to sleep. The three of us sit on the table and talk. Longer. We smoke. We finish the drinks. He comes to my room. I don’t know why. He’s kind and sweet and has a huge heart but he’s not true to himself.

I feel again a lost soul following me trying to find something I cannot provide. The night has gotten long. I usher him to his room. Time for sleep and another interesting day to end.

As I open my eyes, still heavy from the drinks my phone explodes with messages. More local friends. One message specifically makes me smile. 

You’re my favorite hello and my hardest goodbye. - Elon Musk