Message deleted
Schizophrenia. Romantic partner. Affirmation: I am a romantic person. I invite romance into my life. You will find new romance. A new partner will come into your life and bring new love or an old love will come back to you, reigniting your love. Oh no. If I’m lucky enough both. Message received. As I would see in literal manifestation the next morning. Message received was message deleted.
I open my eyes. I look at my phone. It was him. After almost a month. Romantic partner. This message was deleted. Twice. In the middle of the night. I’ve called the sleeping ghosts. The sleeping ghost. Full moon. The tarot. The ceremonies. The Mantra singing all day. Om. The beginning and the end. Shiva and Shakti. The creator and the destroyer, the full moon eclipse of letting go, transformation, growth, forcing us out of comfort zones, fears being dissolved, sudden shifts, surprising change. Transformation on all levels, as for him I’ve seen a message too:
You bring attention to your relationship with trust, vulnerability, sexuality, and intimacy, marking a time of massive changes in your most intimate connections. This configuration will give you opportunities for resolution, closure, and conclusion of long-standing issues. Karmic encounters are likely, and people you met long ago may come back into your life. Drastic changes in your values and relationships are possible. Detachment from a period of grief while the emotional baggage is still not gone.
The full moon unfolding its power, its magic throughout the entire day, spreading everywhere, peaking in the night.
The doctor bringing everyone together.
The German woman calling me the night before asking me to join the ceremony. My call. She’s bringing a new friend, a light in the sky. She’s here for the doctor and the ceremony just like the the new member of the circle of ceremonies we will re-encounter later that day, joining us for the meditation.
Starting to raise our spirits being invited into the community in the warmest manner, singing mantras, lightening up the fire, meditating, connecting, the mountains of the Himalayas in the back.
My new friend by my side now, all topics from the last weeks start rising up again and again, going deeper, being transformed, brought to new perspectives. Our driver connecting all our other friends who will come together later that night to close the circle under the eclipse.
Sitting in the cafe, transforming the energy, he’s looking at me. A friend from Saturday night. “Tonight is full moon eclipse. We’re having a party at the HighLama.” Same place as Saturday night. I tell him that I will have a meditation.
Going together, she decides to move in to my place soon. The small room, the one where my partner in confusion lived, the same way.
“Love is when someone is integrating your feelings into his like they’re his own. That’s love. It’s more than compassion, than empathy. It’s a merge. An integration, making them the same important as your own”. She’s right. She puts in words what I cannot. It reminds me of the message of the universe. “He doesn’t love you otherwise he doesn’t have to make a decision to hurt you like this, ignoring you”. How can I take it personally when I’m so lucky to feel love? My learnings and understandings about love are shifting. It’s not an exchange. It’s giving unconditionally, if lucky enough, returned and answered. Not a trade where I give my love and expect the same back. Love is free. Love is a choice. My choice.
Only minutes later I will pull the card of the romantic partner. New love, old love, what is love? Love is sexuality paired with compassion. There it is again. Message received once more. The universe is making it very easy for me to see, bringing clarity for transformation.
The moon is hiding behind the mountains when I’m leaving the circle. I get a message. The other one from Saturday night with the same invitation. HighLama. In the energy of his Holiness. I’m on my way. The timing is on point. I join the night of the moon, a rum in my hand, warm food in my stomach, techno music in my ear with a new friend who came running when the top became invisible in front of my eyes, reminding me of the ghost. Becoming the same. A friend who’s picked me from the tea stall of destiny before being alone for a minute, asking me to receive without thanking him, even without asking, giving me. Hey please don’t say that anymore … I think you don’t treat me as one of yours. Message Received also. All the messages building consensus in perfect harmony. Yes you’re trying to learn it. That’s amazing. He says.
What an enchanting day yesterday. Thank you for that. My new light says. It’s enchanted all of us. Thank you universe. 11:11. Wow that’s amazing. You’re really so blessed.
Make sure you’re becoming a good influence and inspiration for others by giving and helping.
I’m working on it.
And so the lost souls have all found back into their solitude. Alone. My space freed of any broken heart, any denial or dissociation, leaving me where I am at, in my world with all I could learn from half a year in India from reoccurring encounters conveying the same messages: don’t take words as a reality. As a promise or a bond to truth. Only actions will show what a person truly carries, who a person is. How they treat you. Another person’s Behavior never reflects who we are but only who they are. Making it personal only intoxicates our own spirit.
Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the hurt and rejections. Thank you for all the life lessons I need to learn, my shadows coming to light to be recognized, to find compassion for all of them. Instead of hiding from them. Running away. Stay with the ones who love you, who care for you, who choose you in your life, instead of the ones who push you out and away making you feel like your existence is a burden. I open a door, you close it. I open the door again. You close it again.
Let’s dissociate together OR let’s love.
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