My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

I’m in a Marshrutka again. For One week I see myself going back and forth crossing the same station three times from different sides now returning completely. All the way back to the Black Sea with a big knot in my throat, tears in my eyes. A big drama. One of those I know. One that I ignited. One that I started only to get the all too well know reaction of mirroring my anger, frustration and disappointment, turning the whole situation in an uncontrollable fire. A fire that I wanted him to extinguish, to suffocate before it started burning but instead like so many times before I got the mirror. The same anger, frustration and disappointment arising, escalating in the same blame I’ve heard so many times before. Me being the reason for all bad, accusing me of manipulation, making fake drama, not being normal. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve heard it all before. One too many times. Uncountable times. All this hurt. Pleading him to stop goes into nowhere as at this point he is understandabl...

  8pm. This was the estimation of his arrival time. Still in awe of leaving behind these two amazing men I’m in happy anticipation for my friend to arrive after a month of waiting. And like a clockwork he shows up at 8pm on the dot. I’ve missed him. 40 hours together. The last ones before he returns to Germany. Home. I find myself again at the Marshrutka station, off for the next trip. Until the last minutes I don’t know where to go. Until he returns two hours before leaving. Full. I look at him trying to figure out what has happened. He’s drunk. I’m smiling. He says he needs a beer and cigarettes. Good thing we didn’t end up partying the night before so we could have this authentic Georgian goodbye. He’s looking at me i swear they forced me to drink three Glasses of cognac with them otherwise they wouldn’t print my ticket. I believe him. For this is how I know this country. Minutes later we find ourselves sitting on the side of the street with a one liter bottle of beer, a pack of...

Merisi The last days have broken. My whole system somehow becoming low, stagnant. I feel it's time for a change. The energy is shifting. I need movement. Inside out. Getting attacked by a wasp and a hornet in one day, having their poison spread out my body, marking a change in my well being and connectedness. The weather is reflecting the vibes, swinging between sun, clouds and grey skies. The house is quiet now every day. No more visitors. It’s time to get going. It's not noon yet so I decide I can manage on going to the mountain. The way is up. Always up. The air is humid and misty. The higher I get, the fresher the air, the more dense the view. The clouds hanging in the peaks, in the air everywhere. My sweat mixing with the humidity when I almost reach the village on top. I was fast. It's only half one. I start walking the roads of the village more up to see what's around, imagining a coffee and a cookie in my hands. As I know Georgian hospitality this isn't an u...