LoveTown

Merisi

The last days have broken. My whole system somehow becoming low, stagnant. I feel it's time for a change. The energy is shifting. I need movement. Inside out. Getting attacked by a wasp and a hornet in one day, having their poison spread out my body, marking a change in my well being and connectedness. The weather is reflecting the vibes, swinging between sun, clouds and grey skies. The house is quiet now every day. No more visitors. It’s time to get going. It's not noon yet so I decide I can manage on going to the mountain. The way is up. Always up. The air is humid and misty. The higher I get, the fresher the air, the more dense the view. The clouds hanging in the peaks, in the air everywhere. My sweat mixing with the humidity when I almost reach the village on top. I was fast. It's only half one. I start walking the roads of the village more up to see what's around, imagining a coffee and a cookie in my hands. As I know Georgian hospitality this isn't an unrealistic wish. Only a few minutes later when I sit down a wooden swing, admiring the remoteness of the village, I wave two women on their balcony as they're already waving me towards them.

Modi Modi they wave me into the house, smiling. I smile back. Their gestures, delicate, they try to communicate but... Still I am nowhere near being able express myself in Georgian. It makes me sad. It makes my wish to acquire the language more once again. The mountain people of Georgia and their incomparable warmth. The mushrooms on the oven cooking, a big pot of Lobio (Green beans and potatoes) next to it, they offer me cappuccino. Yes exactly what I was hoping for. My favorite too. Rusa slowly sets up the table with plums, apples, biscuits, chocolates and water as I have set myself on the wooden bench. Slowly I am drinking the hot sweet drink that she's placed in front of me as I grab a biscuit. Exactly what I need to rest from the humid fresh air outside that has become dark by now, the clouds hanging low today blocking the view. There I find myself in this neat wooden house, in a tiny Georgian village in the Ajarian mountains. The place is small and clean. Outside it’s slowly becoming dark as night from the heavy clouds and mist taking over the complete area. I spend almost two hours before leaving as I am being served lunch from their freshly cooked veggies and forest mushrooms, bread, cucumbers and tomatoes. I could have not wished for anything more. When I slowly grab my bag to get going they take a look in the mirror and excitedly comb their hair. I know what's happening now and it makes me smile so brightly, touching my heart. Telling their boy who has just finished eating his mushrooms to take a picture of us in front of their house. They are just as happy for my visit as they never have tourists up there as I am happy and grateful for they have made my day with their kindness. It's time to leave. Go all the way back down. This will be another 90 minutes.

And so the last days have broken even faster than expected. It feels right. It's been almost a month up there away from everything and everyone. Timing is flawless as always as my colleague lets me know that he will be down in Batumi as well. We manage to meet before leaving. You choose where we meet. You are invited Lina. You're worth gold. I love it. They're so sweet. Something to look forward to just as to my friend. Linchen I'm very much looking forward to seeing you soon. As so do I and cannot wait to get down live the big city life for a few days.

Batumi

It's early, I'm tired but cake and cappuccino on my mind. Determined to enjoy the treats of the fancy city. Bars, restaurants, bakeries, shops, cafes. All mine for a few days. After overcoming the biggest fail for my accommodation, I manage to find a spacious, comfortable place. Clean, neat, safe. Today money doesn't matter so much after a month of living mountain life. Like a happy little girl, I walk the city, on the hunt for cake- no not just one piece, all I can get. Chocolate croissant, chocolate baiser, chocolate-cherry cream cake. This is only the beginning as this will become my routine for the days to come. Returning to the hostel, I get back to clean myself, dress up and go to the fancy wine bar they have chosen for us to start with. The night is light and happy. We talk about old and recent times, how our lives have developed and decide to keep in touch. 

Around midnight I fall lightly drunk and happy into my bed. A bit too early and little tired I start into the next day. More walking, more coffee and cake, shopping to finally clear out and rearrange my backpack and an afternoon swim in the black sea, make my day a round happy holiday. I have a date for the evening that I am not sure I will actually pursue. I am not sure if I rather want to go to sleep, when I already lie down for two hours in the afternoon. I get hungry and need to go outside again to find food. When I finally get an overpriced falafel sandwich, he texts me asking if we wanna meet. I try to turn him down but he asks if we could just meet shortly. He wants this so I give it a chance. I sit in the park, reading my book, waiting for him with no expectations. I haven't showered or gotten ready in any way, not even have I washed of the salt water from the sea. These are the best nights. When he picks me up, he just sits down next to me, casually without any awkwardness. We start walking in search for a bar as I suggest to sit at a craft beer bar. The night is fresh, the rain is coming, our conversation calm, smooth, peaceful. Not overly exciting but very much honest and real, I enjoy his company. His authenticity, opening up about our lives, our families, our visions and fears. It's a conversation that doesn't try to be anything other than it is. That doesn't try to achieve anything. It's different from all the other boys I have had spoken to the days before. It makes me feel at ease and safe. I can see that he has nothing on his mind but getting to know me and make sure I am ok. When we walk back right before midnight, I feel somehow like I wanna be near him, I wanna hug him and be held by him and so we hold each other when he drops me in front of my hostel. We're standing there for a while as he's asking me if I feel comfortable at the hostel and if I didn't rather wanna come to his place. I don't. Not tonight. Tomorrow. Hugging for two or three minutes he gives me a soft kiss on my head when I kiss him on the cheek. Slowly I open the gate and walk inside. The night will repeatedly throw feelings and images at me of how I will be with him. How I will feel his skin on mine, how he will hold me, how we watch a movie and just lie on his couch and spend time together. The rain came and it makes it feel all even more perfect. 

It's a grey day. I wanted to go jogging at the beach promenade. Lucky me. Again a bit too tired I put on my running shirt and leggings and get going. The first half hour I spent in search for a running bag for my oversized phone to not crash against me every step of the way. When I finally find it, I start making my way to the beach. I feel light and happy. No pressure, no expectations at myself but having a little outside time. Switching between jogging and walking, I feel the salty breeze in my hair, I smile, headphones in my ears I sing along my music. It feels like a dream. Like a movie. Like I am a little girl, happily playing outside. The seaside next to me, people running, swimming, swinging, I go jump on a swing as well. I swing and swing and swing in front of the sea site like a little girl, singing out of my lungs, watching the sky and the seabirds. Skyscrapers in front of me, dogs sleeping in the sand. When I get going I feel like flying, I sing and dance along the way back, crossing little bridges, bamboo gardens and ice cream trucks. Crossing the street I find myself at the park from the night before. Only wanting to do some stretching before getting back to the hostel, I end up doing almost a whole 40 minutes yoga, acrobatics stretching session. Dogs coming up to me, accompanying me, an elderly lady sitting on a bench across me, is eagerly taking pictures (or videos) throughout my session. I did it for her. I feel as free and happy as the sea birds, still singing. Finally I grab my shoes. Apparently one of the dogs has eaten one of my socks. Time to buy new ones anyways. These were almost the last ones. Walking across the grass, I feel the wet of the rain on my feet, my hips swinging, my lips smiling I see a woman with an ice cream in her hand. I count my last coins and I know it will be just the right amount for my favorite caramel coffee ice cream shake at the truck. Reward. Well deserved I inhale the large portion of iced milk coffee and soft vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce. 

It's finally time for a shower. To wash away the dust and sweat of the last two days. Recollect, rest and dive into a well deserved rainy day. Back at the hostel I'm being asked if I wanna give a fashion show with my new clothes. I laugh and go see what to do with the mess before I go to his house tonight. Back and forth it’s becoming afternoon while I was trying to find food, running from the rain, arriving soaked and tired. He’s asking me how we will arrange our meeting as he wants to play basketball. Aligning our schedules he comes up with the perfect solution for us to meet tonight, hanging out, he’s arranging food, asking me what I need to feel comfortable. He will play basketball later and for tomorrow… we will have the whole night. He makes me smile. This seems to be quite sensible. A taste tonight, see if we still like each other tomorrow…

And so I get a Taste. Starting with my favorite taste of creamy Baileys that he hands me right upon arrival before he jumps into the shower. I make myself comfortable on the couch and and sip on my welcome drink. Comfortably excited to spend some time together. Switching on a movie he’s already ordering me a pizza, lying his head on my stomach. Confident and gentle at the same time. I love feeling his skin on mine. I love how throughout the few hours we have he keeps repositioning us comfortably, cozy in each position, caressing me softly, holding me in his arms, holding my head in his hands, cupping it from both sides, softly kissing each spot on my face before even getting near my lips. I feel like one of these girl characters out of the Colleen Hoover romances. You’re the sweetest German I’ve ever met he repeats like the night before. Finally someone taking his time to feel me and not only jump on me. The further steps feel a bit more rushed but maybe that is a result from his colleague waiting outside. I still return happily to my hostel, welcoming my bed early, listening to the heavy raindrops crashing on the roof half of the night. 

Waking up I wasn’t aware of what kind of magic in a totally different direction than I expected this day would hold for me. Packing my bags, ready for whatever would come I get into a spontaneous surprisingly deep, open, empathetic conversation about my life, life in general, courage, perspectives… I am struck by his curiosity and sensitivity. When I finish packing he stands in front of me ready to go for a walk. I ask him if I could join. His smile and our conversation already have given him away. I’m glad to go outside with him. Not 100% sure if I wanna go back to date night, I’m sending my potential sleepover a message. His reply that was only a hint too neutral, makes me tend to not go see him. I tell him that the answer is not what I needed while my Dutch company and me have made it to the cake shop. Finally not alone for the daily piece of cake. A person who holds the same excitement for cake as I do, priceless. The third time finally in the right company, not only for cake but for sharing stories, our stories. This person opening up such a comfortable safe space for me, my thoughts, my feelings, perspectives, emotions and excitement that I pour like a waterfall from the most sensitive topics, only getting more of his precious attention, compassion, empowerment, sensitivity and curiosity when I touch one of my hidden failures. With every moment passing, even when I share some hurtful moments, some vulnerable spots in my history, about men, my dad, my family and friends I cannot deny the feeling that he’s growing even more understanding instead of frowning away from me. His soft smile, understanding nodding, not interrupting me but giving me the most loving and supportive feedback about my life path, touches me so much. Love me the most when I deserve it the least, it rings in my mind. He keeps holding space. His courage to be so open from the spot, seeing me, without hesitation although he knows we might only have hours… as the direction for he day rings. 

My date night ensuring me he wants to see me, my German friend telling me she’s going now, on the same way, offering me to stay at her place for the night, giving me the signal to move. After a good hour of cake conversations I feel more than just lucky having met such a wonderful man. As we hug goodbye he says: I like you, I really like you Lina. Keep the mindset. I would have really liked to spend more time with you. As I am rushing to the hostel to grab my bags I cannot even digest what his words mean. Only when the Marshrutka finally starts moving over an hour later, tears start dropping out of my eyes. Tears of gratitude, joy, love, happiness, luck. Tears of relief, feeling like all my hard work has fallen somewhere on fertile ground for someone to see and appreciate it with all their heart. Appreciate me and who I have become. I feel seen. 

Informing my date that I am leaving, confuses him. I didn’t get why you thought like that, cause the plan was decided already and I made it, of course I wanted you to stay with me tonight. Sorry sometimes I’m not so good with words maybe but I didn’t have any negative feeling about you at all, it was really nice to know you and spending time with you. So are you sure about your Kutaisi plan or you wanna spend the night with me ? Anytime you wanna come back to Batumi, my arms will be still open for you, I’ll be here anyways, so just let me know. I Hope our paths will cross again soon. Enjoy your life and your time, keep being happy and positive 💙 You were really sweet, really nice. It was a pleasure to have some time with such a woman 😚Felt so good to touch you and kiss your face. Come back if you miss me soon 😌💙 and take care of yourself. I really wanted to see you too Lina, I thought plan is already made, when you asked I just got surprised and couldn’t react well. I was already waiting for you.

His words also touch me more than expected. Yes I was wrong about his intentions or him not wanting to see me again, who could blame me after all I’ve been through?!  It’s what she said. Overwhelmed by happiness for me, expecting the worst, to come back, realizing what this must mean for me when even she was overwhelmed by positive surprise of their behavior towards me. I did the right thing. A thing I had to learn the hard way. Leaving when I don’t feel 100% wanted with rather the option to return when the time is right than to be used and rejected in the end because I wasn’t wanted for all I am. Standing there with these two individual souls soothing my pain, giving me such a rush of love, somehow fixing a broken part of me. An old part of me, wounded by wrongdoing. In the same place, healing old pain, holding the space for me to be me. I leave this city with a soft loving heart that makes me wanna love more. Be more, do more. In a good way. Not because I need to be seen but because I was. For the first time in a long time.

Batumi. Cake town. Cappuccino town. Rainy town. Love Town as long as it lasted. I think I also fell in love with you. The outside is still asking for my official stay in Georgia. I am becoming more sure every day of me being official enough, feeling what I feel. Keep going like this. I’m so happy you set your mind like this. It’s good to meet people like you. Don’t change that mindset of yours. I so regret I didn’t give you a kiss when we said goodbye. We will meet again though someday and I hope you will be ready for a kiss then. 

I wish I lived life like you Lina. I do too. And I will be ready for any kisses now and then.