The Magic of Flow

So it was Sunday two weeks ago and most likely the ones before and in between when the big shifts come moving across to open new dimensions for me. I realize connecting the dots of when I left my magic home in the Himalayas. When we met again after over a year and a magical day and night start unfolding, beginning with a road trip peaking into a breathtaking orange sunset arriving in front of me. Marking the beginning of a night full of love declaration, closeness and tears of empathy. A night of all the love and affection I needed. A night refueling me like this week. 

Sunday again marking a new episode unexpected, a few days earlier, leaving my mental and physical detox half way through, finding my boundaries anew in a new kind of confidence articulating what is true and right for me. Setting me free, making me smile, breathe freely, walking out with open arms and an open mind on what wasn't meant for me. Not now. Not here. Not this way. Like a bird set free, released from her cage I go flying out although she's sad about it, she knows it's right. It's right for me and it gives me the chance to help her find her own perspectives and identity her needs and also give them expression. I find even more remedy in supporting her the same. 

A new flavor of freedom I haven't tasted before. Great things are about to come, I feel it and so from this Sunday on things start unfolding newly, freshly more beautifully. With my body already half way through to my midst, my balance, my mind rested, I try to to stick to the path, adjusting it just to my own sweet taste of peanut butter cashew chocolate angel bliss ball bars and all that's surrounding it with dips into fresh water and milky drinks bearing the color of the golden sun, shining through the clouds for me, only just when I arrive at the shore. When I enter the beach, when I touch the rock sitting by the water to refuel my energies.

The Universe is here for support as two dogs start cuddling up to me a third one on a leash next to them. I look at the water. Is this your dog? I look up and see the sweet face of a young Indian man. I laugh. I thought they were his. Well they sure like you then. I smile at him and we dive into a conversation about what is moving us through the day and life in our hearts. The arts connect us. The dance into life, the Yogi practice, the change of energies, our freedom. I can see our common ground in our physical expression of life. The flowing movement in our bodies. I can learn from him. I can learn from him how to use my body more explicitly. He wants to learn from me how to understand his mind and his heart truly. He discovers quickly my affinity for teaching. My soul that's longing to share knowledge, to make others grow, expand, open up to new perspectives for finding happiness. To understand ourselves better, to cure and heal ourselves, to find our personal path to love. Free love. Unconditional love. As we came naked into this world with nothing else but love before we were conditioned to not only be that and forgot what we are. Love. Before we learned that this wasn't enough to be loved and give love. To just exist and find our way through life. 

I go deep diving into my most favorite topics of life. Love and life itself. The study of ourselves. Going back to Prem Baba a week before who made my tears rise when he scratches the topic of childhood and the vast ways that we're harming ourselves, how violent we are to our bodies and souls without even recognizing it. How each of us is moving through this world as a little hurt child but only few of us are courageous enough to face ourselves and our shadows. The parts of us we don't want to see, much less to recognize and accept but rather avoid and reject, pretending they don't exist. Like we're perfect, building an idealized version of ourselves, an identity that includes all the beautiful traits that we would like to see in ourselves. The open minded, kind, tolerant, humorous, patient, communicative, caring, reflected, blissful, understanding, intelligent person we wish to be instead of confronting our pain. Because confronting that pain would be almost unbearable is what we predict unconsciously. Too heavy the burden, too deep the cuts, too painful the truth that it is almost impossible to even reach it as we've buried it deep down inside of us so many years before.

For it to never be touched again, hiding it from ourselves and the world. Suppressing it in hope that it will never see the light of the day again. But... It hasn't just disappeared. It is still there, only invisible for us to see. And yet it's there coming out in different shades and reflections when we go into the outside world, finding as many different mirrors as we meet souls. Each one unique and special, mirroring parts inside of us, bringing them out even if we don’t want to. Good and bad. Divine and evil. Our strengths our weakness. And still we manage to deny what is revealing, uncovering in front of our eyes. Still in denial of what we don't want to see, rejecting the truth, throwing the reflection back on our counter part in the attempt to make it theirs. It remains. It remains our own. And it will remain and stick to us, boiling inside ourselves as long as we refuse to shine light on what's hurting us the most.

Yet to face our long hidden hurts we first need to be brave enough to open up to what could possibly await us in the dark. In that place inside that we have yet not discovered because it's carrying so much weight that we're afraid we cannot carry it. We cannot hold it. That once we open the Box of Pandora, entering this unpredictable place what comes to light will break us. Take our life, our whole existence because we cannot stand the pain. Because this is all the reason why we've been hiding it away so deeply in the first place to never be seen again. 

And so we keep walking as fragile broken beings through this world, scared and hurt, hiding our hearts, wearing masks because we got scared of the cold, merciless world, building walls around our hearts and forgot our true nature. Where we once came from and where we still belong. And where one day we will return to. A place called Love. And exactly that love is capable of bearing all the pain that has ever existed in this world. No trauma is big enough to break our soul. It can miraculously carry all the suffering of this world, of our mind and soul. Only so when we give it an honest chance to heal, to heal us, to come back to life. These parts that we forgot about, that we were wishing weren't parts of us, only then we can use our love and acceptance to transform them into something new. Psychospiritual Healing.

I take a piece of my chocolate fudge angel cake and sip the cappuccino. Yes you should eat whatever you like. Nothing in this world is either poison or potion depending on how you use it. Chocolate-Cappuccino-Diet. Whatever is making you feel well is good for you. As we all are individuals this is the most profound truth. He knows it too. Last night when we were here on this side of the river. Standing with our Chai to watch the river at night time. Taking a little motorcycle ride, almost jinxing it when I call the fall, like she did seconds before, returning our attention to the Universe. Moving to the other side where I crosse the bridge again the next day bringing me back. Finding my sweet twist after my new cycle making my days start way early. Before the light of the sun can reach my room, making me rise early. Waking up to his good morning as I go to sleep to his good night. I can appreciate his attention. His sweet. He needs to be seen and so do I. Rising up I start my day with an energizing practice, pushing my strength, making me shine, impossible from the outside to hide. Wohoo what's happening with you?? Can I take your picture? Message received. My face becoming bright like the sun itself, pushing me out. Out to get here. 

Here to find transformation. That movement that I am constantly in search for. Rebirth. That change others try to avoid to stay the same to protect themselves from the unpredictable pain. That exactly what makes me feel alive, what makes me love life, what makes me thrive every day, enjoy life as I do. As what it is. Life itself. Flow. The only thing that's certain. Like the river. Like the studies of life connecting it all, the ancient Indian traditions, I came here for. Ayurveda. Holistic. Whole like life itself. Complete. Beautiful as it is. Including all. Love and hate. Happiness and pain. Laughter and Tears. I want to embrace it. I want to live it. Like the flowing river in the back of me. 

Walking back crossing the river to the other side, angel spirits helping me find my way back while my smile is growing and growing through the interactions with the locals. Walking up the street a scooty is stopping next to me. I look up. A familiar face inviting me on a trip. I’m too tired. I tell him maybe the next day. After a few minutes he’ll return to bring me back home where my freshly washed laundry is waiting for me, done for me. I run into him on the street namaskar hariom Ji. The Indian flow. Strong and active coming from all sides to catch me. Holding space for me. Right here. Now and forever. I get hungry again and feel ready to settle. Like home. Safe space.