My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

Blank. Tired from the last the day. Finally was I supposed to leave. Where to go? What to do? That’s what the universe thought too. Packing my things, leaving confidently at the same time not completely sure where it would take me I would get stuck after only one hour. I get out the bus where I am supposed to catch the next one down south. Calculations were made without me if that’s even a thing to say. After only minutes different Srilankis had given me the same information that the roads are blocked and there’s no way to go South today. I didn’t hesitate. That was a sign. I buy some samosas and mango and let my new SriLankan friend tell me everything that I should be doing at the moment. A few minutes later I find myself in a Tuktuk to a local guest house of his friends. I can see that this place has not seen tourism. Accommodation is more simple, prices higher, people more curious and eager to spend time. Life is harder here. Nobody ever comes to visit. The beautiful places with all...

                                 Ella:Ella                                     TTTT                        ❤️FREEDOM❤️ Waking up to the familiar beautiful view, of the green palm trees for almost the last time, tired. I slept longer than usual, not enough. The last days seem to have had an impact on me.   I open my tent and can’t believe my eyes. It’s another member of the cast from paradise camp episode one. It’s the second TT breaking hearts. The one that combined my friends heart breaks.  I can’t believe what I’m seeing. He missed his flight to India. Joining the camp. Have I not had enough of this male energy the last days finally dissolving when the most beautiful women join the camp to come save me again. Having the three men around me gett...

Arriving here at the very best I would have assumed having a good time with a few new encounters. Sitting here one month later in almost the same constellation realizing what has happened… Not did I only come here and have a good time but did I meet amazingly great souls   People who became friends. People that became my heart, brought me closer to myself, made me grow, became part of my journey, my life. I look at him. The one I used to be close to. Skinny, so tiny, so raw, so fragile. A broken hearted boy. A boy from a different culture, a culture I had to learn about the hard way, not without getting hurt. Not without being  confronted with my own pain. Feeling like someone stuck a knife in my heart in some moments. Waterfalls, my favorite, used to seduce my heart. Everywhere. No more. What to do. Lies, crossing our universes. No understanding. Again overestimating my heart’s capacity, underestimating its longing. Returning to this place. Not being seen, my biggest pain. Sy...