My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

  I crawl out of my dark hole after a deep long sleep. I am shocked when I look at my phone and see that it’s 1,5 hours later than my usual wake up time. 7.24. It's day four in my yogi home and already my past has started to connect to the now. Here. My present me. I step out of the room into the bright morning and look at the guy standing in front of me.  Good morning Lina.  My sleepy mind takes a few moments to recognize who is wishing me a good morning. Here. In the middle of nowhere. In between the mountains, my yogi home. A person who wasn't here the night before when I went to sleep and who apparently knows me when I get up the next morning. One of my yogis from two years back. I have never spoken as much as a few words with him and he's cut his long curly hair, making it hard for me to recognize him at first. But once I do I lean in towards him to hug him. His smile familiar. I feel a warmth towards me that I cannot remember from back then. I come to realize how mu...

  I love you for - the open heart you keep as a human - keep shining Thank you 🌸 Sending you best wishes 🌸 The last one. M. My teacher. The only one who did not react  in any way  when he realized I was leaving but just indifferently wished me a safe journey and to find what I'm looking for. Again. I already have. In my heart. Maybe even also partially through him throughout this intense journey to myself within the last weeks. After three months I am finally leaving the place that has taught me so much, that has become a new home, that has connected me in so many ways, to a new way of living, a more conscious way, my way. The way of a yogi. A place that has brought me so much kindness from people I have hardly even realized until now that I have left when it is slowly starting to sink all in. All the impressions, all the reactions to my leaving. Turning my back to the holy ganga and the city that provided me with everything I could have ever wished for only so I had a...

Karma is not looking for a fan club. It’s a natural law of physics. The words resonating in me strongly. Book number three this week. My reading load extensive these days that I have mostly spent with myself, inside myself despite little excursions to the pool, having a coffee or do some shopping, having the usual chitchats that don't touch me. That don't reach me. No one reaching my heart in my loneliness since she left. Everyone disappearing as if most of it was a dream. Like a big dark cloud is moving through my mind the last days. Not only in the inside of me but also on the physical sky. Reflecting my mood.  An occasional yoga class, an answered call, my neighbor and tattoo friend running an urgent errand for me, with me, putting me on his bike once I utter my need, taking off with me for the mission, stopping to buy us a Lassi, taking me to the temple, handing me more of his books that I finish within only days under his astonished eyes. Appreciation in my mind, yet not ...

Someone once said regret is a form of perfectionism and I felt that. Sometimes we are forced to make a decision and it’s eating us alive from the inside, suffocating us as if our life depended on it. The heaviness in the chest making it hard to breathe, the dark clouds in our mind blocking our view to find clarity. Having had my perspective strongly focused on this one thing that should transform my life in the time of eclipse, causing more confusion and irritation, I have come to realize that I already have brought my life into balance since the day I arrived here. Greater balance than I’ve managed over the last years, yet working my way here through them. Having integrated all my knowledge, my insights into the best version of myself each day, creating this lifestyle for myself all along. Yet my focus had my vision blurred, the view on myself and where I stand. Until it became clear to me. I already am where I wanted to be. Through self mastery from self discipline, finding back to m...