Arriving Home

 

I love you for - the open heart you keep as a human - keep shining Thank you 🌸 Sending you best wishes 🌸 The last one. M. My teacher. The only one who did not react in any way when he realized I was leaving but just indifferently wished me a safe journey and to find what I'm looking for. Again. I already have. In my heart. Maybe even also partially through him throughout this intense journey to myself within the last weeks.

After three months I am finally leaving the place that has taught me so much, that has become a new home, that has connected me in so many ways, to a new way of living, a more conscious way, my way. The way of a yogi. A place that has brought me so much kindness from people I have hardly even realized until now that I have left when it is slowly starting to sink all in. All the impressions, all the reactions to my leaving. Turning my back to the holy ganga and the city that provided me with everything I could have ever wished for only so I had a chance to come to the a place I already know. A place I've already called my home long before this journey.

I'm sitting on the porch writing these lines, holding yet another tea in my hands right after returning from my favorite café in the village for a short welcome back, enjoying delicious sweets, sharing laughter and reconnecting to a place I have so many different memories about. Receiving his message. Out of the blue unexpected, all the love is coming back to me. He was the last one. Literally after every single person got back to me in shock the day before, giving me all their love, kindness and gifts when I was leaving. To my own surprise, getting to me, telling me that they will miss me. From my neighbor tattoo friend, to my yoga teachers, the café and pool owners to the boys I ran into almost every day. All of them unexpectedly more emotional for my leaving than I would think before. Now even M who took some time, after all doesn't pretend that it leaves his heart cold. My yogis in my heart, I feel nothing but gratitude for their love and kindness towards me. But most of all for their openness of facing themselves in the mirror of me and vice versa. 

Now finding back home after an 18 hour road trip, from one place of my heart to the next, finding an old familiar warmth of the first yogi I found for myself here. In India. Making me family from day one. Returning. Returning to this place I love so much. This place that's become my home almost two years ago, welcoming me the same.  A place that holds all the power of the Universe combined to synchronize around me from the first moment I arrive. My happy place. I see my yogi between the blossoming apple trees teaching some meditation techniques, when he sees me walking towards him. I smile I hug him and only five minutes later I find my favorite ginger honey lemon in front of me that he told the kitchen staff to make for Lina mam. Lina mam. I almost forgot how from the first moment I ever entered this place everyone was here literally at each minute to serve me. To provide for me, to make me feel comfortable, at home. A place where I feel truly deeply welcomed, appreciated. A sort of kindness I rarely found anywhere else.

I take a cold bucket shower. I also almost forgot about cold water and unstable electricity. I love it. Back to nature. It's still cool as it is not even the end of April, yet the sun's intensity brings warmth to my clean skin. Putting on fresh long pants that I haven't worn in a long time, I feel newly born and excited to have finally returned to my safe space. This beautiful green oasis of peace, love and kindness. Bringing me back the feeling of being the most worthy jewel in this world. Setting up my room, unpacking my clothes it doesn't take more than a few minutes that I'm being asked for breakfast. Sandwiches and fruits. My favorite ones. Mango and papaya. The sun is shining I set my mat on the grass finding myself sitting under the apple trees carrying their beautiful blossoms, plates of freshly prepared food in front of me, my friend on the other end of the line. I need to share this. Show her this beautiful nature place I have told her so much about. 

Emotions slowly rising up my chest, memories returning to me, my heart overflowing again from all the unconditional care for my well-being. Without even having finished the fruits again I am being asked if I want lunch. I cannot help but laugh. Laugh from love. After I finish all my food, I go visit the yogShala. Maybe for some play time. My excitement is high. Yet my body and mind finally giving in, needing rest. Instead of play time, nap time. I climb up the veranda and doze off from the sound of the rain on the roof above my head, into some fairy tale. In the fairy forest. Is it real? Is it a dream? My eye lids are slowly opening after I don't know how long I was drifting away. It takes me a split second to realize where I am. In a dream. My dream. The Fairy Forest. Where I belong. Where I found peace for the first time. Where I found teachers guiding me. Where I find peace now. And the teacher that I will need for the next weeks to continue the training that others have started with me in the holy city of yoga. Now finishing in the holy mountains of the Himalayas. Closing the circle for my second journey through this country where nothing is impossible. The country where the Universe is calling. Every day. In some way. And so I find my amazing dinner sitting in front of me before I even know it, finishing off a wonderful first magical day returning to the Fairy Forest. 

But not interrupt my felicity, to make my bliss grow beyond my bliss body itself I get a knock on my door when I am already in bed, getting the question for another tea from the sweet kitchen boy. I turn down the offer with the brightest smile. He’s closing the door, knocking again seconds later. Milk mam? I feel like I am the literal fairy from the forest. As if all the sparkles are raining down on me like the heavy grey from the clouds outside while my phone is blowing up from all the connections apparently swinging from the same magical energy. I feel nothing but peace and bliss in my heart from all the blessings in my life. From the sweetness. The sweetness of this place and these people. This Life.