Thank you Universe

 March is proceeding so quickly and so is my flat getting more and more empty. It feels very freeing getting rid of everything because the more I let go of things the more I realize there is really only very few material things I need to be happy. I keep giving away my stuff and the more I give away, the better I feel and the more love is coming into my life. Not owning anything really anymore is more than feeing. It really is manifesting the freedom I feel in my heart in the outside. Like a mirror. Mirror mirror as we have it all the time everywhere. Yesterday when I had finished writing being grateful for my colleagues, I went into our weekly meeting from work when at some point my boss declared that he had some very bad news to announce. It sounded like our government had decided that no one was allowed to travel anymore for the next six months but instead he announced my leaving next week. Really. This kind of touched me. So my colleague after all did a fine job complaining to him about me leaving. I find this kind of moving. It is. To me it is such a grateful way of being released. In love.

After the meeting I wanted to go into this more than beautiful bright sun, enjoying the clear blue sky going for a run. I got a message from one of my friends Zora from Southern Germany telling me all kinds of things that we could undertake in the next weeks, having trips into nature with her car, going camping, hiking, going to lakes etc. It really felt like the Universe again as once and so often is conspiring for me to make everything work. It felt magical just this running in the sun in deep connection with my heart and the Universe. Everything just seemed perfect. Whole. As it always is. I could feel the vibration of it flowing right through me.

Later on I was trying to put my carpet out to be sold as well and so I decided to consult my friend Hamid in Isfahan, a wonderful, talented young man with a huge heart selling carpets asking him for his opinion on the carpet. He let me know that I had a piece that was worth something around 500 EUR. It was also not that but a deep exchange of love. People connecting with me, supporting me in whatever way they can without expectations. He was just so happy to speak to me and so was I. This Iran connection lately has become stronger again through people and other signs. Maybe the Middle East and central Asia is calling again.

Having these encounters yesterday as well with people just picking up some things that I sold to them made me very happy. Wishing me good luck on my journey, seeing their happy faces receiving things from me that they have desired for quite some time. This sort of exchange is so enriching.

Either way I see all these wonderful souls walking into my life every day and I am deeply truly grateful for that and I do start realizing that they are not at all bored or annoyed when connecting to me but that instead it is fulfilling and purposeful for them, they choose to interact with me in whatever way. It is their free choice. I am not a last choice out of desperation for them.

Why do I believe this so often? In my heart get that feeling as if it was just a coincidence these people ended up with me? Because I do know the feeling of it very well. I know I did it as well rather spending time with people as a second choice than feeling alone like I have no one. It is disturbing right now this feeling building up inside of me connected to my own personal feeling of unworthiness. It hurts me. Half my life I would spend with people who weren't particularly good choice for me and would eventually walk out on me, leaving me behind. Hurt, broken, unknowing what I had done to deserve this. I am just starting to realize right now that again this was a mere reflection of my own perception of self. Unworthy, undeserving of love. So I subconsciously developed a pattern of picking people who I had in my life that would at some point leave me to confirm what I had already known before. That I am not worthy of love. I have to work for it. I have become somebody else. I'm not enough the way I am. I need to change, achieve something to get the attention I need so urgently. Tragic. I'm in pain, now realizing this in its full picture. This really makes me sad and it makes all the sense in the world explaining all my relationships that I used to have that just did never seem to work out.

And explains all the relationships I have today with all these indescribably beautiful souls who keep remind me every day how wonderful I am, that they love me unconditionally, love listening to me, love being with me, love being friends of me, being in gratitude of sharing their lifetime with me. And so would also today the Universe send me more of this unconditional love, sending my brother picking me up from work, packing and transporting some stuff for me, my colleagues supporting at work even without asking giving more free time than I could ever use, my friend Zora sending me a message only to explain that I do NOT ever have to apologize again for sending long voice memos as also my friend Vera likes to remind me who thanked me this morning by saying: "I love waking up with Lina." My proof reading my work certificate that I wrote for myself, my friend Ksenia from Hungary letting me know that she read my blog and that she adores the way I shape my feelings in words so they make sense to her, my friends from Leipzig telling me that they are happy that I will come soon and have a home at their place.  It might sound corny but I do need these reminders at times to let go, to grow and to find back into my spiritual being of love.

There is no words for how grateful I am to get to have all this support and love and various shapes. In so many different shapes that at other times I wasn't even always able to recognize it when now I am so often moved to tears, sometimes daily just by looking at my phone, into the eyes of a colleague, friend or family member declaring their gratitude for being part of my life. I thank the Universe for all this endless stream of golden light coming into my life.

THANK YOU.