Good Morning Princess

 ...Waking up to this sentence expressed by wonderful young, open hearted beings when I have just opened my eyes to a new precious day in this world would make my heart smile and smoothly and gratefully bring me into brightest light feeling exactly as they would call it out. In love, in happiness, in feeling precious, beautiful, wanted and loved. Neither time it would be my partner or anyone I had an affair with. It would come from deep friendship, love that was given to me for free. Unconditional, open and spontaneously. 

It might seem like a stereotype but waking up to this very simple sentence this morning made me realize how happily lucky I am and the other way around. Fully taking it on, feeling like a princess being carried through the days by these wonderful spirits by my side being part of my life without seeing it coming before. Each morning being able to have another amazing home that has been offered to me and receiving the same care and love over again as I couldn't have dreamed of before.

This sentence represents to me exactly where I am now. Where life took me over the past weeks always ending up in good night hugs and kisses, waking up as a princess. Not because I had done something extraordinarily incredible for the people but because I am lovable as I am and because they enjoy the same time sharing with me. I learn love every day freshly again and again like a child who has just arrived here just by sharing, being with each other, mentally and physically connecting in respect, in acceptance, in giving space and holding one another.

A very precious lecture and learning of this I received last night from a wonderful wholehearted spirit, kind as love itself, open as the Universe, caring as I wish we could all be with each other. A true miracle. That's what he is. What I learned last night in connection with his pure heart was once again an eye opening of how we can communicate with each other in pure kindness speaking about things that might have hurt us in a different time, opening up the doors again in deep trust of change and transformation through learning, growing, letting go and coming back together sharing.

Walking into his place once again I felt this familiar, warm, homey feeling instantly just as I did 9 months ago. Looking at him, hugging him hello it felt like a good friend just as it did when we met for the first time. Having the fresh scent of his essential oils floating through the room into my system, hearing the soothing yet activating music, seeing the welcoming smile on his face I felt like I was back in the right place in the right time.

It was not as if I hadn't left, quite the opposite because I could feel the change in the air of having lived through something we couldn't understand, having crossed each others lines, overstepped personal boundaries, hurt each other without knowing, realizing at last that this had nothing to do with the love we could still feel for one another. Not at last for me, specifically for me. Looking back to our miscommunication, the misunderstandings and hurt feelings I would assume that everything that drew me away from him was my projection, my judgement of how he did things, how he viewed topics concerning his life, not being able to accept, feeling unseen, ignorant, yes even lost, left alone as I have all my life like the little girl I am...still. In this state of being in need of love and care, of wanting nothing more but being seen, being too much in the feeling of my own lack of love I wasn't able to truly connect to all he was trying to give me. When he was clearly expressing that he was interested in getting to know me I couldn't accept it because I couldn't accept myself. I wasn't able to understand that people would just love and accept me, even cherish me for just the way I am at any time without asking questions. Without needing to get to know me for months before I might believe they may see something in me. I wasn't truly accepting love. Writing this I am just realizing whatever I did, whatever I felt, whatever miscommunications, whatever troubles, heartbreaks, separations or fights I experienced truly came from me not being ready to accept love.

Wow. In this moment right now it shows its inherent truth so much more clearly than it has before. It all goes back to one and the same source of any discrepancy in our lives, any negative feelings, experiences, heart breaks, fights, uncomfortable emotions. It comes from the lack of being in love. Being out of connection to ourselves. Our true being of love. I would not feel that disconnection to my love, me, all I am. I did feel very much in love, very happy, amazing friends who love me, family, a free happy life. I couldn't feel the lack, I couldn't because I wasn't ready but what I could see was me getting into arguments over and over again in the same pattern. Each time in my own truth of giving, of sharing my energy and love. Being my best self in the moment giving everything I had learned as truths for myself in enthusiastic urge to show it, share it, spread it, make other people profit of it, make them grow as well.

This was my truth. Today I can see what I actually did in reality was serving my own ego that told me that I was only lovable when I "help" and do and do and do and it was also my ego trying to make me believe that I am so far ahead on my path of spiritual growth, knowing so much more, so much better than many others that I had the correct way of seeing the world, the right mindset, I had to offer a whole new world to let people see what life really is about, true happiness. And I did, I did have to offer that and I think I still do the only aspect and therefore most important one that I oversaw was...That this applies only when people want to share, when they ask for help, when they wish to exchange minds. I would just be blindfolded by thinking that this was open mindedness and as in so many other ways that I build up this beautiful identity for myself, instead of truly living spirituality in the worldly matters, I did an act of spiritual bypassing, as I refer to as my spiritual ego. Again and over again I will see how this tricky part of the ego or that mask of the ego can have such amazingly big influence on our identity covering up forever who we truly are and move us away from love instead of connection in our hearts with love, in love, from love.

When being in this state I am basically blind for all there is because no matter how much people try to show me how they feel or how they think, it will not matter to me because from the bottom of my...ah wait...Ego, I will still believe I know better. With a mindset that closed I will always know that this cannot be my true being of light and energy. It couldn't because our true being is always connected to our hearts, physically, mentally unable to feel or cause suffering. Where there is love there cannot be suffering. This is the most significant lesson I have learned. No matter how or where or which circumstances and with whom..If I get into an uncomfortable situation that causes hurt or negative emotions it cannot come from me. My heart.

Living this as a truth, I at least get the chance to reconnect, to transform, to truly open up, share and learn in love with other people - what happens on the other end is exactly the same. Me becoming a princess for myself and in the eyes of others.

For that I am in deep gratitude for him opening the door to his home and his heart for me again. For his understanding, his pure kindness and sharing of wisdom bringing me to new perspectives of myself that I can identify with. Opening a door that was laying in the dark for me before showing me how I was using my intelligence, my learnings as an abusive power as a female over men (and also women at times) who may have physical power over me abusing it in the name of spiritual growth. One thing I become more and more aware of is that as we are all children of the Universe and thus inhabitants of this world we are all students as well as teachers in every moment that we are breathing without exception.

I cannot express enough how deep and fundamental my gratitude evolves from this open heart of being as humble and kind to share this with me. For making me the princess I am.