You are I and I am you

I hope you can heal. I hope you can break through yourself constructed identity built up through pain by your past experiences, culture, society, traditions, your parents and past relationships. Loving someone is not easy. For me love doesn't mean loving the happy smile, the beautiful face or the well shaped body. It does not mean when I shine my brightest light of love to the world outside and you receive it that you are in love with me. It is the other way around. You see my love, you feel my love, you take it because you need it. That light seems beautiful for every­one who sees it but has nothing to do with respecting a person for who she is inside with all her charac­ter, her flaws, history, culture, mindset, habits and feelings no matter what. 

It is quite the opposite of love to leave me behind when I do not function anymore the way you want me to, when I speak my heart, my mind because you hurt me by taking physical control over me more than once and don't want to hear it. No expression on your face no reaction, no reflec­tion. I'm alone. Speaking to myself in pain, in feeling used in my light, my love, my care and so I start crying, yelling. You want to shut me up, more pain arises. You dont want to see my pain, you don't want to hear it, you get angry, you drop me out the car and leave without a word taking on physical power over the situation once again for not accepting my feelings, the situation, running off, leaving me crying, not given the chance to look each other in the eyes saying good bye to each other with respect in gratitude for the intimate moments we shared but announcing the situation. "ugly" and running away like a 5 year old boy. Your 5 year old boy still crying for the love from his mom not being able to solve the puzzle, to understand the pieces and put them together still chasing after physical attraction. "She never loved me" you said... I wonder how could she? When you call "Love" looking good, behaving well in the outside but when it comes to true feelings, opinions, situations where we are hurt, You go, you turn around leave us behind crying, screaming. Is this Love? How could she love you? How could I when Love was needed you run away in fear, in anger, in confusion, disappointment, hurt and missunderstood?

I hope you find healing. I hope the eyes of your soul will break through the surface of the physical world and see through the "beautiful" outside one Day inside the soul, the heart and see what true beauty means, what true love feels like. 

Maybe something that you once saw as "ugly" will transform into something amazingly beautiful when you wake up from your sleep and see the light of day. 


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