Divine Messenger

Did our love story move my friends to tears. My love story. Reading about it, hearing about it from my ecstatic heart. Did I receive blissful happiness and tears of joy from all sides as if they were my own. Everyone I loved could feel my love as their own. Just the person I loved apparently couldn't. Shut it out, cut it off, built a wall between us. Did I try over weeks to open up the space for us, for our love again and again, trying to dive into the deepest spheres of your soul, create an understanding of who you are, where you stand, even dissolving your problems, transforming your thoughts from the little information I had about your situation while you cover yourself in silence. Not one word from you. Over weeks. You let me burn. Left me alone with my tears once you closed the door, walked out my room, left my life not only physically. If only I had known. Was I so sure of all I felt, all I've seen, all you showed me, all you gave me, all you shared with me. Every minute we spent, every meal we shared, every night we loved, every drink toasted, every song we sang, every breath we took together, every detail we shared in our pain in trust, every tear we cried together, every laughter we laughed, every melody we hummed, every touch electric, every kiss connecting, every look into each others eyes, every time I felt your hand in mine, every time I could feel the warmth of your skin on mine, when your hand touched mine, our faces getting closer, our lips touching, I became one with you. We became an eternity. Never have I felt this in my life. My universe expanded. 

Mine. Maybe this was only my universe. Slowly it all fades away in distance. From time to time still a lonely tear rolling down my face in the memory of you. Again connecting to this feeling that is so much bigger than me. So much bigger than the universe itself. Like a dream that wants to be lived but was interrupted from coming into existence. Something that was meant to be, something that was already there. Something that is there. That will always be there. That was created to make this world more beautiful. Now standing still in silence transforming. Energy that can't flow freely. 

All this time I feel you, I feel you so much that it hurts. It hurts me to feel this separation from you. It hurts me to feel your confusion. It hurts me to be left in the dark. It hurts me not to be part of you. It hurts me that you choose to leave me behind, to leave me in the unknown wilderness. To leave me on my own. To exclude me from your heart. To isolate me from your life. To take the chance from me to get to know you better. To not share your life with me, let me be part of it. To not let me support you. To not let me hold your hand. It hurts me that you don't hold my hand. That you don't want to be part of my life, of my heart, of my soul.  It hurts me not being seen by you. It hurts me that you don't want to see through my eyes. That you don't want to see what I see. All these wonders of this beautiful planet. The water streams running out the mountains, breaking rocks, the rivers flowing in abundance never wanting to end like my tears for you. The cliffs, the rocks so majestic in their beauty as much as in their danger almost costing me my life more than once humbling me for life, for Love,for living my dreams. The Love I get to experience through all the wonderful companions who were sent my way to heal, to expand, make me shine. It hurts me that you choose not to be part of me. Maybe you were sent to me as a reminder of Love through nature, through all others and not at last through you bringing me back to the deepest unconditional trust in the Universe. I am yours. You are mine. For all times in eternity. 

This underlying pain in my chest every now and then as a still reminder of that part of you inside of me while I watch my world rising in astonishment.