My man from Sakartvelo
The rain just won't stop. The sky is crying for us, seeing us part. Since you had to leave, gave me a last kiss, a last hug, "I will write you something when I have processed all this a little. If you need anything, if you need help around here, if you want to share anything, please just let me know. I will be there for you." Your love knows no limits. I had to turn around, tears dropping out my eyes, I couldn't see you walk out that door, leaving not knowing when I will see you again. Feel your skin touch mine again, your lips kissing me tenderly, your hands holding my face, your eyes looking deeply into mine, reading my soul, your arms wrapping around my body holding me tightly, feeling safe like there's nothing in the world that could hurt me anymore, nothing to fear. Like the dream that I knew existed had to take a break here just for a moment that is as well part of this divine encounter just as our first meeting, the same divine energy separating us for now.
From one moment to the next you popped into my life and in the same instant became part of it. Or as you put it: "I can't believe how without any complication, drama we meet and you become part of my life effortlessly. Being happy to know you before ever having met. "
I hop into your car, finally. You called the Marshrutka driver to find out when I would arrive. If I was on his bus. Never have we met before. Even then you cared. "Let's go find a coffee." I already like you. "I didn't know if you're vegan if you wanted oat milk." I already love you. A Georgian man in his country finding coffee and having the thought of the possibility that I could be vegan, bringing my favorite. From this moment I was sure if this showed only a tiny part of who you are we would get along well enough to spend a few days with one another. If I had already known what was about to come... After the coffee we had already touched emotional areas of our life that would keep unfolding throughout the car ride the next few hours.
Driving down the coast including a short break dipping into the black sea we decided to go elsewhere. You already had looked something up for us to spend some time together. I felt so comfortable next to you in every way that I started talking about personal family matters. Carefully you kept asking questions, listening closely, always asking me empathetic making sure it was ok for me to talk about them. Every step along the way you did. Not only then but all the days we ended up spending together you would ask me if I was ok, if I felt good with the situation, you would take my hand when steps became more challenging, ask me if walking was ok, when I felt tired, in each moment your heart was with me. Caring only about me being happy.
"I will probably ask you a few times a day if you are ok or how you're feeling while we're together. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell me." Maybe this was the first time I felt like jumping on to your neck, hug you, kiss you. Did I feel deeply connected for these words that I have found in only few people looking out for each other in that way of true care and empathy. More and more did we speak about our childhood, our view on the world, our thoughts for the future, our dreams, struggles and intimate experiences. Anything I felt I could share with you in trust.
"I like listening to you." You said. "The way you speak, without judgement. The sound of your voice." I felt humbled. I would hear your beautiful words about my voice over and over again the upcoming days singing along Sia driving around. Did you speak out loud what you felt in your heart courageously from the beginning. Too many moments that touched me even in these first hours, how you bought sparkling wine and chocolate for me, how we made jokes about when we get married, how you told me about your house, the garden and your vision of living there growing soy which was so similar to the idea I had only few days before.
Ending a first overwhelmingly moving day, drinking together, sharing more intimate details about our lives and emotions, we for the first time fell asleep together holding hands. I could have imagined nothing more beautiful. Already have we had felt the happiness of meeting each other without having seen the other one before.
The next day should quickly bring us even closer together. From the morning when I first hugged you and you told me how much you enjoyed falling asleep holding my hand. Cautiously as I had already gotten to know you, you asked me if it could destroy something if you kissed me. I wouldn't know. You smiled at me. You understood exactly.
Did we start manifesting our space, from a fig tree over a huge open spaces the perfect weather, fruits on the beach ("I just want to see the smile on your lips when you put the berries in your mouth") to the delicious meal in this romantic restaurant, me wearing my long light dress, feeling like a princess. Treated as one by you each moment that we were together. Like a fairytale ordering half the menu up and down, eating, drinking, sharing more of our hearts, of the past - you moved me to tears, making me part of your past, inviting me more into your heart, spending an incredible day together, for the first time sleeping together, kissing one another, touching, exploring our physical bodies when I came out the shower, an explosion of joy that made me feel even closer to you when just a bit over 24 hours had passed since we first looked into each others eyes. We drank the champagne, you bought me more chocolate, then you came back from the beach and brought me this beautiful pink flower. I wish I could remember all the beautiful details, all the loving words coming out your mouth over and over again touching my soul every time being together, all the beautiful things you did for me making my heart smile as my lips too. I should thank my dad for bringing me into this world (you will do this yourself and please take the opportunity once you're already with him and ask him if you could marry me), how this world would be a better place if it was only populated by small and big, male and female Linas you said. Never had anybody said anything remotely close to this humbling, cherishing thought of your brilliant mind to me before. All these attentive comments about my physique, my face, my eyes, my skin, how you recognized each scar, each scratch on my body, my hands, my stomach, kissing each part of me, integrating all of my physical and mental body, cherishing it in a way that made me become bigger, my heart light as a feather flying through the Universe, finding peace, stability and security (Geborgenheit) in your arms.
Stopping by every shop to serve my snack addiction, not only patiently but with joy buying me ice cream anywhere we went. The hot Georgian bread that we ate like hungry children who've played for hours in the fresh air, putting pieces of butter inside to melt, as we did too from the pleasure of putting one piece after another in our mouthes. Any culinary, physical or spiritual pleasure available you would make part of our experience together, read my wishes off my mind before I even became aware of them. Each day the Khachapuris became bigger as our stomachs did too with happiness and joy of life, of us being together. You shared your memories with me, showed me places of your childhood, introduced me to people you love and shared your feelings generously, helping me understand where you're coming from. Your sensitivity, your attentiveness, your patience, your empathy, your care, your caution, your independence, your kind heart, the kindest, your openness, your flexibility, your never ending awareness for me, the people around you and the world, your joy and value for life itself has inspired me so fundamentally that I'm lacking words to express what it moves inside of me, making me want to become a better person, the way you give and take unconditionally motivates me to grow bigger, the way you support everything I am makes me wanna love deeper, more openly. Give more to the world. It gives me trust, energy, makes my world so much more colorful. You brighten up my days, my life. Before you came into my life I didn't know if I could love the way I imagine to love. Now I know.
Sitting with you at our last (for now) of what feels like uncountable meals, ordering traditionally one too many dishes, making sure I at least get my two desserts, tore my heart inside, not knowing when I will be able to see you again. You take my phone look for something, then you ask "what do you think if I book a room for you, so you can get some rest, some time for yourself, I go to my parents and come back to you later and hug you, spend one more night together so we have time to 'appropriately' part? I don't want to let you go like this" I put my hands on my face. I don't know what the look on my face could have possibly expressed other than awe.
At midnight you come into my room, take off your shirt, slide into the bed, under the sheets, hugging me, saying: "I don't know what to think about that I've already missed you so much." Now I know exactly what that feels like sitting here writing these lines, knowing that right in this moment you must enter the plane to Germany. My Georgian man going to my home country. Me staying in your home country. Both choosing each others worlds. For how long? We don't know. All I know is that I met one of the most inspiring, kindest people with the biggest heart that I've known for long and that I will forever be grateful for the time spent with you because it opened up my soul, touched me so deeply and made me feel endless unconditional Love.
Thank you David for sharing your light and love so generously with the world, not at last with me. Thank you for not being afraid of love. Thank you for choosing Love over fear.
*** THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU ***
💖
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