Fall Time to get up

Fall. Falling. Time to get up again. Rising up, shining bright like a star. Season of change. Colors as far as my eyes can see. The entire spectrum of the rainbow. Thick clouds moving across the sky and through the green mountain forests. All experiences from the last weeks winding up in a big swirl of emotions as wide as the pallet of colors. Anger, aggression, sadness, disappointment, turmoil, frustration misunderstanding, confusion, grief, pain, being lost, safety, cheerfulness, gratitude, deep connection, appreciation, compassion, happiness, trust, being seen, heard, understood, feelings of letting go, ending the season, opening the door to the brightest future. Letting go of old pain, burdens that I've carried with me throughout almost two months believing I had found love but being deeply disappointed, realizing that I need to forgive myself for shining my light on the wrong person at times. For not understanding that I'm a gift of the universe, a gem, a precious diamond that is free to decide who to spend her beautiful energy with. Slowly lifting the curtains. Now. In the season of change. Movement. Forward steadily. 

That person I wasn't meant to love but much more all the beautiful souls that he's brought into my life. It was the gateway to love. Our encounter. Not to love that one person, but to love so deeply that I attracted all the shining bright amazing souls into my life who have been loving me freely at each moment, showering me in love, support, me, gave me their all attention, cherishing my all being, accompanying my each step on the journey of my life raising love to the highest level I never knew. From tears of hurt and pain, of a broken heart to tears of joy in laughter, in deep understanding, in showing up, in being there, becoming vulnerable, connecting deeply in our hearts. Forever. Each day. Since then until now and everything day of my life reminding me each day more than once.

This pain in love I learned opened me up so wide that I attracted more warmth than I have ever known. Cared for like a child, held by the hand, hugged, brought to sleep, and woken up with heart warming words, a smile, coffee, manifesting the all that was taken from me by the person I had my focus on to make me understand that I'm never alone. That I'm surrounded by love. Always. If I want. Everywhere. At all times. Only if I can let go of the attachment to want it from someone who doesn't see my light, who decided not to love me. That my value is all there visible for everyone. Shining bright my golden heart that was touched so deeply and crushed at the same time while healing itself understanding I could already transform my confusion into the clarity of deep gratitude in love and safety expanding in front of my eyes for all that is not at last myself. 

Can I forgive myself for wanting to give you my all because I thought I was seen for who I am? Because I thought I was felt because I thought I was wanted because I felt I could heal someone, because I felt I had the answers to someone's torturing questions of life. I had the key to their heart? When it was denied,  I was brushed off, falling. 

Season of change. Can you bring me the energy with all these transformational emotions to let go? I can see the clouds moving through the sky like my old feelings slowly fading into nothingness. The clear blue sky, the sun shining bright down on me showing me what's there for me. Already is. Always has been. I was never truly lost always given a home, new family, new people who love me. I knew. Didn't I? 

My legs heavy, from dancing it off, from walking it off, breathing in the fresh mountain air in the last warm rays of summer sun. Singing out my soul to the bright colorful mountains giving away my pain, receiving the future. Safe space. Free space. 

You said you see how I transform people's lives without noticing it. How I touch them, show them their inner most self. I received the messages all at the same moment they started flying in the same as your words. Magic. My mirror. I look into their eyes and show my pain. I can see theirs. They show me. Freely. Safe space. Never did I feel deeper. Never did I feel more love. Never did I feel more truth. Never have I felt more potential in the field of open energy than in this transition. The gate to a new era has been opened. I've been trembling but I didn't fall. I got caught. Not only caught but carried. Taken care of. I will go forward, keep on moving, in deeper trust, my heart filled with love, my mind overflowing with ideas from the field of limitless potential, my universe ever growing bigger, vast, higher like a rising star. 

My gratitude as strong as my body that has been fighting so hard, still awestruck by how blessed I am from all sides, never left alone but gifted, mirrored my capacity, my all, high up in the sky. Clouds moving from the horizon bringing back clarity. Ever existing greatness.

Season of change you will clear my heart and mind. Will clarify what still seems to be foggy, will bring light where there is still darkness, bring the highest joy where there still is sadness. I have time. I will be patient. I will accept that my heart is fragile and strong at the same time. I cherish it. I will cherish life for what it is as I have. Only even more this time. As I am filled with amazement how generously provides me with personal lessons to grow bigger, stronger and more powerful each day and forever more. 

Thank you. In endless awe for the magnificence of the Universe 🌌