The Sky’s the Limit

 He hands me two thousand bills. „You have money?“ I nod. One minute ago he got up, paid my yoghurt as I’d already paid my rice and curry. „I wait for you tonight“. He leaves. I’m still mixing my rice with the spicy sauce, that I was asking from him, stuffing it greedily into my mouth, when he pointed at my necklace. I smile. Last night was draining and electrifying energizing for me at the same time. Catapulted me up the skies into a farther Universe. As my tiny Tharu finds not even the sky the limit, showing me into a new world. For me. „You don’t have to do nothing.“ he’s trying to protect me, provide me the safe space I requested. I didn’t want to believe him. Protecting me as he goes overboard from his heart’s intention into the wrong direction. For me. I can feel his pain. A pain. He wouldn’t know. His kindness a reflection of what he needs as we all do. Care.  As our intentions go in spirals, manifestations will become diverse, colorful as the universe, not always without suffering, as I will learn to understand later.

„Eat. Did you eat? You need to eat.“ Eating is love, care. It’s all we have to survive. I’m being taken care of but who cares for them? „Do you want anything madam?“ Dimo still asking me in the same manner. I want the world to become one. Reconnected. I want us to be the same. 

I go to get us food. My favorite little place, buying one ton of Pakoras, Roti, fried pies and filled vegetable buns, I wanna sit down and have my daily rice and curry. „Where are you from? I will take you to Kandy, have you been?“ he’s sitting with his back facing me, speaking to me. I’d love to join. „You know One Love? See you there tonight. I will be waiting for you“. I like his smile, he’s smooth, he’s in my bubble. I can see it in his eyes. We know. Same universe. As Tharu’s left mine without a chance of getting him back to me while I turn his around. You are me. I am you. He understands. „I love you so much“ I know. I remember last night. „You changed my world“. It was time to take care of you when you’ve been taking care of me at all times. I deserve it. You do too. Time to change. To intertwine our worlds. Give back to each other what we’ve been giving. Do what you like to do. That’s the Mantra, he repeats. He understands. [Only now it will happen what I didn’t know would go beyond understanding.]

He’s coming back inside. Changed. Party outfit. „You haven’t finished your curry“ I’m getting more, eating like a local mixing it all up. Full plate. „I go to Bandale. You’re coming?“ I refuse. I need a break. „I see you tonight“. He hugs me from the side. Another smooth operator. I can’t complain. A country full of smooth operators. Only operating for me. In my universe. 

Marcus is coming. He’s rushing through the worlds without a break. For me. Soon to see and bring me what I’ve asked for. I’m lucky. The luckiest star in this universe. 

My girls holding space with me when tiny lovely Tharu cannot anymore. I’m in the safest place in the world. 

My body ecstatic. Never have I ever felt such a rush of unity. A new world. A good one. A dangerous one. A world filled with life lessons. [Writing this I still wasn’t aware of what was to come or rather yet tried to prevent it.]

I shove another huge spoon of rice into my mouth. Pieces are falling on the floor. Authentic eating in an authentic setting in an authentic space. 

I was trying to save little Tharu from going over the limit, beyond the sky but he was too far away. Stepping over the jungle train recks up the hill, returning to the camp, hoping he would be asleep I in opposite find his friends and dad carrying his lifeless skinny body out the Tuktuk up the camp. The boys looking at me knowingly. „Thank you“ I say. They smile at me. The spherical music is playing. Still. It never stopped. Like he never stopped until he was. 

He’s sick. Deadly. All I want is safe him. Help. I would be the wrong one. I wish for healing and insight and recovery. He’s suffering. The boys turn towards me: „We’ve never seen him like this. We don’t know what happened. It’s not like him. Now he’s suffering.“ Same words. My words. He did it for me. He thought alcohol was care. As he’s prepared my beds a million times last night, now they prepare it for him, laying by his side. „I love my friends.“ he said before I left to the city. „I know.“ „And I love you too.“ I know that too. „Do what you like to do.“ We nod. He’s already gone. I couldn’t stop him. Two worlds understood and misunderstood at the same time. Everything is one and the same. Finding our unique way of manifestation for our own truth. For our wishes to come true or a lesson we yet still had to learn to make them come true. In time. The right time. Our time. Finally we all close our eyes. Exhausted. Watching out for one another. This is the place. This is the time. Now. It always is.