The World in a Day

“You want fruit more?” I shake my head. I’m laying on the bench on the houseboat that he prepared so carefully for me. “Darling you want more coffee? Anything for you. Whatever you want. Just say a word”. He takes the Mocha maker that I’ve missed much since I’ve left my home. “Take some warm Kashmiri bread. It’s good for you.” Mocha and Tiramisu. As the last days my life saver and my path’s company always concerned about my eating enough. 

Crashing down, falling, having a nervous breakdown, after all these days I feel so tight in my chest, not being seen, not being understood, being tossed around in the best interest but not helped for what I truly need. 

After coming back even my background organizer from day one finally clashing with me, telling me not to trust, telling me what not to do, getting upset. I feel the pain rising inside of me. No more this is a song for you, let me sing for you. I love you. My chest becoming tighter, I take my backpack from the place I stayed a few days ago. No help, I feel I won’t get to the next place I’m supposed to stay at. Too much hindrance. I start walking, it’s still hot. I’m trying to get a boat. Same argument. They try to sell me accommodation. My nerves are that close to snap. I can feel it. I’m losing my mind. “I’m not a fucking money machine” I yell, walk away, stop on the side of the road and start crying. I have no strength left to keep my head above the water. It’s all been too much. I’m crying out loud. I don’t care where I’ll stay I just need to breathe. To be. “Hey what’s wrong? You need a place to stay? Come. It’s only five minutes”. He followed me. I say nothing and walk behind him, I just want to arrive. 

“Let’s love. We’ll get through it all together.  This too shall pass.” My heart is singing. I’m singing. It’s been such a long time. The air is mirroring, the birds are circling in slow motion, flying above me on the sky that’s spending us shade. He’s finally closed his eyes. Some rest. Has he paddled me across the entire lake last night when I just hung up the phone with my most loved one, sipping on my drink. The drink that I needed so much after my crying break down. “I bring you breakfast. How many bananas you want?” I’m smiling. “One”. “You need one more”. His body trained, his muscles defined, a sun tanned young man like out of a catalogue. It’s the first time I see him. “It’s my place. Sorry I had to work all day. That’s why I only come now. Take your drink. You’ll have a beautiful view from the houseboat. Let me take you on the lake.” Naturally as if I was waiting for him to have a drink. I don’t have to hesitate about this invitation. 

Only a few hours before I stood on the street crying my heart out. Finally. All my pain from the last days breaking free. For everyone to see. Not being seen for so long. This is me. Hurting. Here now. I don’t move. I just stand there with the backpacks in my hands. Breathing. I don’t know where to go. Lost but safely held by the universe. 

This is where the universe starts synchronizing around me. Bringing me back the sparkle in my eyes. My German heart will be served with familiar words following me around. Taking me by the hand, showing me my new home. “If you need anything come to the backside of my house. You can have chai, anything whenever you want. Don’t be shy, you can use the kitchen, cook. This is your home now”. 

Settling in the room, refreshing, taking a drink. The overly happy, giggly host asking me to play a song, speaking some German as I’m looking forward to meet my love. My friend. He’s coming with me. Hand in hand. Handed over like all these days.

“I want to see you  today” he had said when I told him about my thin skin that became physical. I put on the fancy look, I have a feeling for this night. I color my eyes black for him, with his gift. For him. If I only knew. The same trick the universe played on me before. It will be for someone else to see. 

I hug him. Today we’re holding hands feeling like teenagers hiding, talking, he buys me ice cream, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my face. He wants to be near me, with me. I enjoy his company. It fills my heart with joy. Pure joy. Stop crying your heart out. He’s lovely, so kind and pure. He can’t see it. He tries to be cool. He’s squeezing my hand. “You’re so beautiful. Your glowing. Your skin so beautiful. Every day more.” I’m thinking about him joining me later. I want to have time with myself and my friend. I’m so excited to speak to her. A good night kiss, slowly letting my hand go as I run off with my phone. “I wish I would have stayed with you”. But there came my new hungry love. 

“You seem very happy today”. He feels the shift in energy. Yesterday his wish was to make me smile and he did and it didn’t stop until now. 

I take my bag and the whiskey following him down to the houseboat. He gives me a key, a lock. “I want you to feel safe. You stay as much as you want. You don’t pay”. 

Everything comes back. All my worries dissolving when I let them go. Did I leave an extra 500 earlier in the car so he can pay the internet for his phone. Karma. Synchronicity. Mercury Retrograde. I get a message. My support from the first days returning exactly in the loop of synchronicity when the planets move around me. 

He’s getting his boat, I jump in, he’s paddling nonstop talking about how we’re similar, bond. “You’re smiling but I can see there’s more inside of you. Pain.” We’re waving at other people on boats in the darkness while I yell a conversation across the water just like this morning returning, conversations with friends and fans across the world. Tears running down my cheeks. Tears of love, joy and relief. I feel connected. Seems heaven has come down to earth for me since last night. Robbing number three, my organizer his sleep. A sleepless night in heartbreak. Heartbreak in blindness. I’m offering cure to him. 

The boat is coming by again. “Fruit salad?  Masala? Only pineapple?” Again. Heaven. How?! I don’t know. I don’t need to. The Universe serving me on a silver platter. Literally. 

Finally I get what I deserve. My belly round like I’m five months pregnant the mango lassi ice cream shake in my hands that he’s just bought me before I even got out of the restaurant, a smile on my face. My heart laughing as needed. Running across the busy streets between cars, Rikshas in the dust, he’s covering me so I don’t die getting run over, leading me from shop to shop to fulfill my needs. Taking me to eat. Fill our stomachs after that late night that began and ended on a silver platter. 

Seven. Lucky number laying on the boat again like queen be. Today seems the princess’s been crowned as the day moves on. Walking the walk of fame, he’s shaking hands, people greeting him, he’s sliding like a movie star. Every two minutes his phone is ringing while he’s shaking peoples hands. Business. It’s a funny game I watch. My own movie. I’m the star today. He can’t take that role from me, even not his playboy walk. When my sleepless love contacts me again concerned about my well-being, seeing me - and him. He knows. He’s a lot to share. Concern, care, protection. Enemies in the city. I have them all now. I have them holding me. I have them pay. My three loves. They say “I love you”. He wants me to love him. My sweet one loves me too. Now. For who I am. He’s different. He’s soft. He speaks kindly. Sensitive. He feels the shift. He wants to be with me. They leave their work behind to go with me to far away places. The mountains. Where I feel happy and free. 

When I leave him last night and the universe takes over, sending me on a boat, sliding by the floating markets, across the whole lake, singing my songs, crying my tears when we arrive at his friend’s place. Waking him up, he smiles, welcoming us in pulling a bottle of whiskey out from under his bed. I call my dad. Some tears are dropping, they speak with him. My memory leaves me with an Indian woman sleeping next to me. I look her deeply in the eyes and go into no man’s land. 

“Wake up. You have to get up“. It’s 7. The lucky one for the first but not last time today. Just a half hour more he says. Kissing me wasn’t the end of the story as I stand my woman. I’m proud. The first time, in control of my actions, living my independence, taking back the freedom that was taken from me. Satisfied, proud, my head held high I pursue this beautiful day, moving on the water from dusk till dawn. In our own universe the outside mirror becomes a magical place. My smile bright like a movie star, my breakfast comes moving towards me. Fresh fruit. Our savior. Floating next to us, he cuts the pineapple, mango, watermelon, bananas, cherries on top. Again. My metaphor. From the mountains to the lake. Still in the background. My Popstar vibe radiates around. “Mam can we take family photo with you?” The day is so bright already. I cover my head, laughing, eating my fruit, taking the attention. “You’re the first white face I’ve seen in a while”. Fans and friends. Maybe one day I will get used to it. For now I live what I love. 

“We’re watching the sunset. Take the bottle. Put on some clothes. It’s daytime now.” Yes sir. I laugh. I’m the perfect Muslim woman. He plays Hindi music. It’s playing again for me. He’s playing for me. I’m a (il)legal alien. I’m a German woman (In)dia (I Never Do It Again). “I’m not the fisherman I’m your net. I make you legal.” That’s what he said. Almost 24 hours later in the same place. On the water. My man paddling me into the night. I’m holding onto the boat. My sweet wanted to take me. A sunrise walk, a sunset boats trip. Now it’s someone else again. “I enjoy spending time with you”. Same setting, different love. The lights turn on, slowly the night rises over a place I can slowly settle my heart in. I enjoy the same fame the smiling faces offer me to end my day. Returning to the same place I started last night. Drinking the same drinks, taking the same steps. He kisses me on the cheek. Feeling almost home. Until the movie scene changes its theme. Another episode. “I love you. I would love to be with you. After a long time I finally like someone again”. 

Three days knock out. The picture goes around becoming reality each day more and more in the backward movement of Mercury. Consider it done. As he said.