Fairy Forest

 „Love your force, this power. Go your way. Keep it up“ she’s mildly smiling at me. „You don’t know what it means to me that I met you. You helped me so much.“

I come home to find this on my pillow.

The meeting of truly special people

on your travel journey is the most

amazing thing. It makes the

goodbyes so much eatsier as when

you leave them, you leave them more

whole than when you met. To meet

and connect with someone so deeply.

They teach you how to connect with

yourself and you share ideas about

life and love and suddenly you feel they help you to come home to yourself so deeply. This thoughtfulness and unconditional giving is something we should all seek to give to ourselves and to others. Thank you Lina.  

I’m so happy I’ve met her. She put in words how I felt finally having a friend who sees my heart as well. 

Other voices from women I’ve met on my way tell me the same thing, only minutes apart. 

„Sending you love dear! You’re definitely a powerful force to be reckoned with :) keep learning and growing from all the lessons travel has to teach us ❤️“

It’s a warm, strong feeling; the female power is accumulating around me, strengthening my heart and mind, coming to support me while I’m fighting with my stomach. 

No food for two days, seems to be the way to go. I still feel a bit nauseous but it seems to become better. Slowly. Three days no eating for my body to clean and recover I thought will be helpful. Thinking back to the beginning of the year in Georgia, I play with my mind if I should make it another week of fasting now that my body’s naturally decided to reject food. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for cleansing and detox my body and soul. To truly let go. Let go of all the toxic masculinity, the hurt, pain, frustration and disappointment. 

Recovery. As if the universe was listening again. Only having arrived in a new place, hoping to find a peaceful place in nature, I put out my yoga mat and start thinking about what to do in yet such a familiarly structured place as I’ve seen them before in the mountains, I get an initial feeling that it’s not the place for me. My thoughts start directly to circle around where to go, what to do. Nature, hiking, logistics, transportation, people I know, places they have recommended. The puzzle scattered into pieces all over the place. Not for long…

I start doing my research, writing an old yogi friend who is just in this area, asking him as he recommends me a place around the fairy forest, like my host this morning before I left. Fairy forest, I start my research about the trekking while I look up options for meditation and yoga in Dharamsala. I feel like the getting around has been the same for two months now. Why struggle and struggle to find my way, being alone, the cities vast even in the mountains, feeling lost and lonely, when I can find a community, do what I’ve been wanting to do since I’ve arrived in this country, go and pursue my dream, recovering and socialize with likeminded people?! Dharamsala the place for this. Meditation, healing, yoga wherever you go. As I start looking up places, I see one post: yoga teacher training, Rishikesh. 3-24 July. Half price. My head starts putting the first pieces together. I was speaking to that guy a bit over a week ago. I click on his message. „I will be in Kasol from 28-2 July“ he wrote. Today is the 28th. I message him. I tell him I would be interested in Rishikesh and that I’ve just arrived in Kasol. He gives me a place. A yogis place from him and some friends. A small hut in the mountains, close to Kasol. Free yoga practice. He sends me his friend’s contact. „This is the place for you. He will help you with everything. It’s on me. It’s donation based“. It’s the place my yogi friend from Nepal had just recommended me to go to. The Fairy Forest. I feel like it’s a fairy tale. „You have a pure soul. The Universe plays with you sometimes but it’s always taking care of you“. As if he knew me. A pure soul. This is what some other people said to me and when I looked up my name in the Kashmiri mountains only a few weeks ago, it said the meaning of my name is „pure, (ray of) light“. I felt it in your eyes. You have a pure heart, he writes. The meaning of my name is ray of the sun. 

Coincidence? Now the puzzle has been completed. Including all pieces. A few days in the forest mountains and yoga. I feel a strong vibration of all the sources combining for me in a pure wave of energy to receive the message as I’m triple split and can hardly connect to different energy channels at the same time. 

Taking a walk on the river to move my cranky bones a bit, I receive a message from his friend suggesting me to come right away with the 5pm bus. I haven’t even thought about it. It’s 4. This seems like mission impossible. I have to get back to the hostel, up the hill, pack my bag, pay and get back to town, for about 25 minutes to catch the bus. I ask for later busses. Some more minutes pass by. I speak to the universe again. Why not try?! I put back on my sandals and walk straight back to the hostel. Up I go, pay, grab my things and hurry in awareness down town. Asking the first person I see, I am exactly in the right spot. I ask him to watch my bag just for a second to get some hydration powders for the next days. No ATM. Since Ladakh again searching for cash, unsuccessfully. I check my bag. Six 500s. Shall be enough. Especially if I will not eat much. The Universe on Point, when I turn around, return from the medical shop, the young man smiles at me: „you’re right on time. There’s the bus. I hope to see you around.“ He points at the bus. I grab my backpack and hop on the bus. I made it. I can’t believe it. Slowly the sun is going down, my favorite time of the day. „The universe will be there for you“ also my new friend is commenting when I finally sit. 

The bus insanely twisting and turning up the dirty mountain road. Trash as far as I can see. I look down the mountain as the bus stops. Hills of trash just like on the dusty forest trail. Dirt, dust, litter. A deeply grey brown river streaming with gigantic force through the Valley next to the road. Construction everywhere. On the roads, houses, bridges, guest houses. Nothing romantic or idyllic about these mountain places I find. This is why I have been moving through the north of India like an irritated doll on drugs, desperately trying to find a safe space, a happy place, a home, friends, a community. But nothing. Until now. 

I’m tired. Beautifully settled donkeys walking next to my taxi. I look at the green mountains, still behind a dusty mist fog, I don’t know what. The river running down the valley, my yogi friend from Nepal sending me another contact to stay at.  Seems I’m being taken care of. 

Hopping out of the taxi my new friend is already awaiting me. The road has not been a rod anymore. He’s shaking my hand, taking my backpack and off we start going on a trail through the tiny village. Finally in the middle of nowhere. Inside the mountain, far away from any road. Little houses, shops and cafés, he shakes people‘s hands as we‘re walking up. „Only 20 minutes. It’s an easy trail“. I’m super excited. The vibe has completely shifted. I already love it. Only locals, apple trees and nature. 

As we keep on walking the trail becomes steeper, going right down into the forest. I see a small waterfall. I can’t believe it, we’ve even left the tiny village to pursue right into the jungle. The fairy forest. We keep walking for quite some time, walking through fields of apple trees and marijuana, plantations of fruit, before reaching a beautiful open space covered with apple trees, a big wooden multifloor house with balconies all around in the middle. People start introducing themselves to me, smiling. I already love that space. „It’s your home now. If you need anything let us know. Tea, coffee, anything any time“. Such beautiful open hearted people, offering me all kinds of foods, anything I would wish for (if I was actually eating). All the fresh foods, fruits, nuts, cooked veggies, chickpeas, I was wishing for before my body started rejecting it all. 

I sit and speak with some of the guys living in the place, drinking my ginger honey lemon. They show real interest, openness to connect. A beautiful place occupied by young yogis, the kindest kitchen staff and my friend who sent me here („They are the kindest people in the universe“ he says). 

It’s like all the energies that have accumulated over the last two months evolving around this place. My private chefs cooking (I trust that) the most delicious fresh foods, my personal yoga teachers to prepare me to become the best version of a Yogi practitioner physically and mentally; not to forget Ella. As written on my foot. A friend. From Israel. With two open ears and a widely open heart and mind to listen, absorb and hold space. A wonderful human being. I feel such good vibes from her initially, effortlessly bringing out my creativity, my passion by encouraging my every word out of my soul. She’s drawing. She’s writing too. Reflective, critical open mind and a pure heart. What a beautiful combination. She makes me grow naturally. Ideas popp up into my mind, who I want to become, what I want to do as a similar potential given by my two yogis who can give me a helping hand with my yoga skills, before diving into it professionally. The remotest and most beautiful version of my private ashram I could imagine. Put here solely for me in the right moment of time, to rest, learn, practice, focus, recover, grow, heal and move forward. 

Looking at the apple trees I feel like this space is holding it all for me. My base to return to. „There’s this festival in Manali“ Ella says. A festival. It’s exactly what I’ve been wishing for two days ago. Going back to my old place for a few days of dancing and socializing doesn’t seem like the worst idea. Maybe balancing my need for company, social life and action and my recovery healing time in nature, off the treks. I feel calm looking at the misty mountains, laying on the open space balcony all around the house. Peaceful for the first time in a long while. Not in search for anything right now. Having said so the yogis are looking at me: „Lina do you like trekking? We’re planning on going on a seven day hike up to Spiti valley.“ There it is. The universe bombing me with different options, all of them appearing equally attractive whereas complete opposites. Meanwhile my partner in pain and old host ask me if I’m coming back. There we go, torn between options. Very attractive options. Tomorrow’s another day. Let’s postpone the decision. 

Having a relaxation day moving around the balcony, Ella asks if I will join for a waterfall hike. I would never say no to this. Waterfalls, my favorites. Two of our hosts are joining us. The trail is going steep down the forest mountain again into the beautiful fairy forest opening up right in front of us with moss covered rocks, green fern leaves, the sound of the water following us. After a good half hour we reach a beautiful multilevel waterfall. It takes me no ten minutes before I start climbing over the rocks, showering in the fresh water, sitting down on different levels. Cleansing. Cleaning again. The rush of water in my ears, I close my eyes and relax. Spending these few hours outside in the water between the trees, breathing the fresh air, went straight into my system. I feel a bit hungry. Only for moments. The way back challenging us, pushing us up the steep hill, breathing heavily before reaching our beautiful house. It feels like heaven. So rewarding. I’m exhausted. So much exercise, my muscles starting to ache, maybe needing some fuel finally. My yogi friends ever caring around me, asking me to eat, drink tea, bringing me nuts in honey. „How are you feeling Lina? You need energy for all the hard work you’re doing“. They are right. Slowly slowly. Sandee comes from the kitchen, serving us our freshly cooked dinner on the balcony, as so many times in the day providing us with whatever we order. „Sure mam. Why not? I will bring you“. Every time my heart is melting, feeling like a princess, surrounded by their serving supporters to heal her body and soul without asking for anything back. As if returning reward for the last two months of giving out my all best. 

Leaning over my fresh vegetables and steaming Dhal, I hold my prayer. 

Meanwhile connecting to Ella again, forgetting all the time around us, diving deep into our inside, our past and higher self, everything around me vanishes. Next to her my heart grows. Her ears still wide open, for everything to absorb. I lay her the cards. She starts reading all of them, when everyone all on a sudden stands around us, heads put together. „What are you doing?“. She asks them if they wanna play a game. I feel intimidated and happy at the same time. Ten men one by one pick a card and read them out loud. I made them, it gives me a strange tingling feeling. I’m extremely tired. I pack everything together and move myself to bed. My first long beautiful day in my new safe space. 

Waking up in the morning, I go to the kitchen and ask for hot water. All of them sitting in a circle. „We just talked about you and your cold water skills. You don’t even care“. I smile. I’m still very tired. Today my muscles ache even more which doesn’t keep me from joining our morning yoga session. The practice is hard but it suits me. V pushes me further into the poses. „Incredible. Very good. Excellent“. I feel supported. When we slowly get to the end, tears start running down my face. He comes to massage my head, the soft mantra music in my ears. I feel the pain in my heart. Something is dissolving, evolving. From the last weeks. The pain that’s been stuck in my heart. Still is. Some sense of ease flowing through me after the practice. For my body it’s enough. „You’re a strong woman. So strong. All women so much stronger than us men“. I need to hear these words.

I try to eat a Besan ka cheela (a savory pancake). My body rejects it. I cannot take much food right now. Probably it is still cleaning itself in the healing. I will take it slow. Today is day of surrender. Just be. The sky is grey, the air fresh. I put myself in blankets, listen to music, sing, close my eyes. I need nothing more. 

The guys asking me if I want to join their circle. We sit, they smoke, music is playing. Fairy forest. Ella left. To the next fairy forest. „I would be happy to see you there“…. 

When I sit down in a chair, view on the misty mountains, my lunch plate of rice in my hands J comes to join me. We talk for a while. I’m being more encouraged to join the trek. I’m happy to be able to speak from my heart. We make ginger honey lemon together, my favorite healing drink. After V asks me another time if I will join the trek, I see no reason to say no anymore. I’ve already packed a few things. „Do you need any food in particular as you haven’t eaten so much the last days?“. I’m touched again. Half my backpack filled with nuts, I’m in good hopes that I will be ok. Such a golden opportunity served on a silver platter for me as I’ve been searching for it for all the last weeks in India. A guided group hike for many days through the Himalayas, prepared by wonderful young men caring for my mental and physical well-being, providing and carrying all the necessary equipment to survive a week in nature. 

Sandee is coming up again: „Do you want Pakoras?“. What a question. My personal heaven. I want to believe I deserve this. May the universe bless all these beautiful souls around me, creating this open safe space in the fairy forest. For me.