The Third Love

I wake up in the morning after a night of rain, the mountains foggy, everything grey around us. I open the door my eyes half closed, a brightly smiling guy holds up some bread to me. „Good morning. You want breakfast?“. I’m laughing. I slowly go to the kitchen to get some coffee, we’re talking. He’s super hyper active, didn’t sleep, came out of nowhere from the mountains, apparently looking for our place. He creates such a wave of positivity around, as I haven’t felt in quite some time. „I’m going to Manali today. There’s this festival. I met the musicians last. GOA festival. Will be really nice“. I don’t believe it. Has the universe literally overnight dropped another person right in front of my door, motivating me for the party. „Are you coming as well??“. He’s standing in front of the stairs about to leave, also lost as he’s not knowing what to do. I feel the urge more and more. „Let’s see what happens“ I say as still none of the guys has made any statement concerning the hike. It seems to drift away slowly. 

J and me having a private yoga session to start into the day, opening up my weak spots, he corrects me, integrating my knowledge into the practice. I like his vibe. So calm, down to earth and open. He’s connected, has a great heart and a good awareness for his surrounding. After closing the session he asks me if I want to have an oil massage. Since I still have no idea what’s going to happen, I agree. He brings the hot garlic oil, informing me about all kinds of benefits of the potion. Slowly I massage my legs as we keep talking. He’s helping me with my back and some painful spots, explaining my blockages to me, softly rubbing my neck. I’ve taken off my shirt. Everything is natural. „Do you want to go to the festival?“. He asks. „Yes I think so“.

Two hours later we’re sitting down in the village at his friend’s place, drinking fresh mint tea. It’s 3pm. His bike has a flat tire. Not only that the universe is pointing me to go to the festival but on top it’s putting me a nice man to the side, offering to come and take me on his bike. 

When we walk down the trail to the village he says to me: „it’s so interesting how you did that with the universe. It conspired because you wanted to go to the festival so much, I saw it. You made the rain come. I don’t even know why I’m coming. Manali. Such a crowded place, so dirty, I just came from there and I don’t even like to dance to the music. Maybe it’s because of your energy that I will get from you that I can dance“. I’m sure it is. Why else would the universe put such a combination together?! [Why else turns out later]. Even telling him that I dreamt about having ice cream the night before he believes it’s been reason enough to stop us from the hike or maybe I’ve also mentioned the word „wine“ one too many times. Probably it was the combination of it all. 

What makes me feel so understood and seen by him is the fact that he’s interpreting all circumstances coming together as a result of my universal powers. Now my universal powers have got us stuck in the forest as we cannot fix his flat tire for two hours or decide to go by bus to Manali. 

Only eight hours later we reach Manali. What a trip. As usual. Many stops, change the bus, to a bike, in the end reaching, completely exhausted. We sit down to eat something when my favorite sunshine friend comes by as if we had called her. Together we go to our hostel home, the farm. Like the first time I arrived to Manali I  come with a person I barely knew, becoming someone growing closer to my heart. It only takes a trip to make a stranger your friend. Every time I’m astonished about this feeling. „You know after we convinced you to come hiking I thought I will take you to the festival because I know you really wanted to go“. He’s selfless. He’s in balance, completely nonjudgmental, aware, attentive, easy in every way. Down to earth, clear with himself. He’s listening. He’s asking, he’s making sure everyone is ok. He’s smooth, humble, pure somewhat. Relaxed in every way. My sunshine partner in pain falls for him. „He’s so handsome and nice“. 

The vibe is connecting. New friends, old friends in the same mood. We go to eat, we get drinks to prepare ourselves. Brushing our teeth with apple tree branches while the topics evolve around the yogis. „She’s so strong and flexible“ he’s telling everyone who wants to hear it. I feel flattered. Strong and flexible will also take its toll on me, paralyzing my knee as it’s been stuck for long. 

In drinking mood she’s too happy to have me back „she’s back home“. It feels a bit like it. Finally in good company. In fun company. 

The festival is chill. Nothing special except for a travel companion sent to me to soothe my pain from Kashmir. German. The threem Germans. We’re looking at each other laughing. Instant connection. He says he’s been to Kashmir. I tell him the same. He needs to know no more. „Wow. Lina. How did you stand being there for so long? It must have been so extremely difficult for you, especially as a woman. Such a challenge. Not being seen, not being understood. Even for me it was so hard. I cannot imagine what you must have been through“. I feel heard. I feel seen. We hug. „India is not a country to travel and do sightseeing, it’s a journey into yourself, finding your identity“. He’s speaking from and to my heart. He knows. No explanations needed. „It’s so good to finally see a German“. The night is holding connections. I sit and drink my beer. 

J is coming to sit with me. We talk. I look at him. I lean forward to kiss him. No childish games. It’s clear. There is no miscommunication or misunderstanding. No back and forth. It’s soft, it’s easy. Throughout all the time. 

„Thank you Lina“ he says laying in my arms. It’s the morning after, I opened my eyes and my arms, looking at him. No words needed, he comes and lays with me. Why is he thanking me?! Leaving my water bottle in the last place we were eating at, he goes back in the nights darkness to get it for me, while I’m drunk asleep. Seeing it first thing in the morning, is warming my heart. So much kindness. Wherever we go. 

Walking through old Manali, him holding me in his arms, I have a flashback to a week before when it was someone else next to me. Someone not as kind. I can see clear improvement in my choice of people (men) around me. Finally pure hearts, caring friends. „Let me carry your bag“. Every time walking back up hill to the hostel he will take any burden from me. My knee has been hurting. More than usual. It’s hard to walk. He’s massaging my knee up my entire leg, taking on my pain. He’s learned the energetic healing. „I can feel your pain now“ he says. I can feel him taking it as well. We’re smiling at each other. No awkwardness in touching each other. Spending time together is easy. 

When I go to get another drink, he’s asking if he should join. I’m laughing. To carry my bottle. „Do you need anything?“ I ask him. This should be the sweetest thing he’s said to me so far. „You. Come back“. I will. With a smile on my face. 

Sharing is caring. All of us sitting together smoking, drinking. Once again. No possessions. Everyone takes and gives what they want and need. Indian style. He gives me his necklace. Without saying a word. Completing my collection of jewelry around my arms, fingers and neck. I’m smiling. He’s smiling. His heart is shining so bright. I feel comfortable around him. 

Reuniting with our friends from the night before, planning to go back to our fairy forest, everyone all on a sudden wants to join. My sunshine and my new German friends, my Kashmir supporter showing the same reaction as me when I first was invited to that place. „It’s exactly what I need. I was looking for something like this“. Maybe that was the reason we were supposed to come back to Manali. Collecting all our friends and make them join our healing place. What are the odds?! All everyone I found in this short time to be my companions, friends and partners in the same struggles, coming together. My yogi, caring day in and out about my physical condition, my broken knee, strings, hips, massaging me, caring for my well-being. 

When I sit at the bus station to wait for my German friend, they stop by with the motorbike. She says: „he said we should go and check if Lina is ok“. Caring for everyone else first and for himself last, I wish to take part of that with me during the next days in our new friendship community. Coming back to practice and reconnecting. 

„Katie you will have to move together with Lina to a room.“ she’s smiling. „Oh so we will have our little honeymoon“. She’s bringing me coffee, giving me a kiss on my head. „Good morning girl“, stroking my back, Adam coming a second later, touching my foot. „Good morning“. What a beautiful feeling of home and love.

My favorite yogi of the house looking into my room. „Are you awake?“. I’m pulling my oil, cleaning my teeth. „You want ginger honey lemon after that?“. What a service, only minutes after waking up, having my warm lemon tea. I go outside the room, standing at the balcony. „Are you ready for yoga?“. He’s leaning forward, kissing me quickly. I like it. He’s making the move. 

Last night he came to my room after my invitation. Although I was extremely tired I enjoyed having him so close to me for the first time. „Do you want to come to the hut with me?“. Not that night, I’m too tired. „Do you want me to stay?“. I say nothing, he sleeps next to me, without disturbing my sleep. Such a rare thing for me to feel calm, his peacefulness taking me over, his warm body on my back. Early in the morning he leaves my room without disturbing me. 

This peace is moving throughout the day for everyone. Two yoga sessions, breakfast, listening to music, reading, having coffee, doing all laundry together in the garden, it truly feels like I’m home with a loving family. Importing my friends from the city was a good idea. 

We’re looking at the little hut for our possible honeymoon suit. I climb up the attic to see his chamber. I smile, sliding down the stairs. He kisses me. „Are you happy?“ Oh yes. I am. I return the question. He gives me the same answer. „Definitely“. It feels like an extraordinarily emotional reply for his usual held back attitude. His indifference somehow bringing a bit more equanimity to my heart as well. 

The sun is bright today, some clouds hanging on the top of the mountains, making the view even more magical. The wind of change blowing through my hair. This shall be my healing, my recovery, my reward for the last weeks that have challenged me so deeply, sometimes tearing me apart inside. Betrayal, lies, cheating, disrespect, ignorance, all held inside for a long time, ready to be released. 

SIA is with me as always. Je te perdonne. I want to forgive them all. And my new love sitting down next to me. With me. „Maybe I’m your third love“. He says.