The Butterfly Effect Manifestation

The air pack. Giving space to breathe, to balance, to equalize merging. The Libra and the Gemini.

Waking up, giggling like a child, he’s softly kissing my eyelids as every morning, before I open them up to the bright daylight. Holding my face in his hands smiling at me: “Good morning my Goddess”. 

 I found love in this hopeless place. “I am so much in love with you. I would fight the world for you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. Truly. I am so much in love with you. If this is not love, I don’t believe in it”. His words clear and free of doubt as his heart. 

My inner child out of control, I cry, I yell, I make a fuss. I’m burning in anger for nothing, raging. He’s beside me, trying to calm me, serve my needs, hold me in my pain. I don’t let him. I push him away; my rage becoming more powerful. More uncontrollable. I want to stop. I can’t. 

 I’m furious and hurt. I’m hurt for hurting him, I turn my disappointment, my pain towards myself. “I wanna leave that place. I don’t wanna be here.” I say. The most painful thing I could possibly say to him. I cry out. Threatening him. My running away mechanism in full power. 

He’s holding my head close to his chest, calming me. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. It scares me so much when you say that you would leave. I don’t ever want you to go. I will not let you run away”. 

Tears of shame and embarrassment running down my face. He’s kissing them away as always. My deepest pain of feeling neglected, unseen, unheard for my needs, my desires, feeling too much in this world for anyone to carry. 

You always feel like your being left behind. I still hear his voice in my mind. I’m young. A child. It’s criticism. In the earliest years of my life. He can’t know what it would do to me for my future, my heart and soul constantly aching in the dark. He wouldn’t know as he loves me with all his heart. 

The sparkles in his eyes, the giggling, his smile when we arrive, at home. His home, my home. He can’t believe it. He’s breathing in and out in disbelief of our dream coming true. In my helpless hurt, using these most powerful words to threaten our dream. To prove to myself I’m unworthy of love, pushing him from me, but he won’t let go. He’s calm, he’s full of love and understanding. “I will never let you go. Not for these little things. They make me grow even closer to you. I want to understand you with everything that you’re coming with. These things don’t scare me. Your pain that nobody addressed before. I wanna address it. You’re safe here. It’s your home. You deserve this my Lina. You deserve all this love and I want to give you the space, I love you so much. You will be the mother of our child(ren)”. 

 “When I saw you holding your face in your hands, sitting on the floor, seeing your face, I couldn’t stand the pain you were in. It makes me wanna love you more. I want to give you all the space to feel safe. You’re my priority. Nothing can change that. I wanna give space to all that you are otherwise how would I love you? I love you with everything that you are. I want you to express all of your feelings.”

 My attempt of destruction, not finding way to push through. Not finding its way to fulfill my prophecy I’ve been trying to create over and over again. Anymore. Ever. Not with him. The struggle is over.   He’s taking my child by the hand, letting it cry, scream, hurt, threaten, insult. Not at last him. His love too strong to let my child jeopardize our life together. 

 He’s holding his head up in compassion and the deepest love I’ve ever felt for all that I am. My all being. My ugly sides, even when I start hating myself. “Go easy on yourself babe. Go easy on yourself.” He keeps repeating like a mantra. Soothing. Calming my soul. For the first time in my life someone is embracing, curing, healing my pain, my anger in courage out of everlasting love. Unconditionally. 

 All that I’ve ever dreamed of coming true in the same place. That place that our hearts first met in front of my eyes every morning when I wake up, recreating what’s become the most precious memory of my life, seeing him. For the first time, giving life to the purest love I’ve ever known. FREEDOM connecting worlds and hearts. 

 The most beautiful mountains of the Himalayas in front of me, the clouds moving throughout the green peaks, opening up the blue sky, letting the sun shine on for us. For our fairy forest tale love story as no one could have ever written it more magically. 

The merging of our bodies and souls every day closer, deeper with support of all our loved ones, expanding to the strongest, realest manifestation of all. 

Never have I known (such) LOVE before. Never do I want to know a different one. Never have I felt such unshakable truth. 

Tears running down my face while he’s holding me. My heart surrendering to his love fully and completely. Never have I felt such depth and truth in any moment. Never been held closer to the heart by anyone. Love of my life. I am ready. It’s been time. Our time. Now. And forever. 

We are the Butterfly Effect.