The Tea Stall of Destiny











The Tea stall. Chai time. My bottle and me on the way back, yet not to return but to encounter the longest night in the holy place. India, teaching me life. Teaching me about true love, courage and compassion. You set me free. 

Thank you for confronting me again and again from the first day I set foot in this country with the same situations. It took that time for me to learn. Half a lifetime. Half a year. Half of everything, my love, yet to be completed as I still love him. Only him. That was the lesson. I’m my own jewelry. Not a decoration for anyone else to shine. 


Scars shining all over my body

I'm a work of art

Scars shining all over my body

I'm my own jewelry

You can see me from far

My shining scars, my shining stars protect me from myself

When I finally understood that I was the universe

I embraced myself and the others too

I'm divine

We are divine

We are the elements and our power is limitless

I'm not afraid cos I'm the love

And you shouldn't be afraid cos you are the love too

We are only prisoners of our mind

I'm the sun, I'm the light

I'm the dark, I'm the dawn

We are the sun, We are the light

We are the dark, We are the dawn

I'm the fire burning you

I'm the love

We are the love


About Last night. She tells me her story. It’s my own. The same. Everything. Same feelings, same words, same situation. 

A young European woman coming to India to find the essence of life. Real life. Meeting a young Indian man. Not only one time. 


“Kindergarten” she says peaking through my window. “I never did such things at home. Things like this never happen to me. Only here in India. You see I wasn’t even looking for a guy, I’m a solo traveler, I’m independent, I don’t stay, I take care of everything myself. I don’t need no one and this guy just comes around you know and I wanted nothing. HE was the one getting closer to me, doing all these things for me, telling me all these things how much he likes me, to come with him and all. You know for me, I just didn’t want anything, you know I’m leaving anyways right?! And then when I started opening up, having feelings for him, he just stopped talking to me. He unfollowed me on IG, didn’t even ask me if I arrived safely after this long journey. Nothing. Like we’re strangers. He wouldn’t even say hello to me anymore …These young Indian boys. 26”. And so it goes on. Yes. I know. I truly do. It’s My own story. Word by word. Piece by piece. The Indian romance. Broken love stories. 

As she comes to an end, he shows up right in front of us. Demonstrating what’s been said. Manifestations. The synchronicity of the universe at its peak. The peak showing his face in the exact same moment. The look on her face, saying it all. The look in his face, crossing my face closing the whole scenery beautifully. They ignore us. I’m giggling. It’s better than Bollywood. 

As the peak is fading away, a son of Krishna will come for me to take me with him into the night, igniting the Agni of myself inside and out. Bringing warmth into my heart until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. 


Night. Ghosting. The play of young Indian men. A strategy for survival. Protection. From love. Push and pull. Hot and cold. Dissociation. Schizophrenia. Young Indian men. 

Reminding me of my mom laughing “is he also 26? Are all Indian men the same age? 26?”  I’m laughing. I can’t say anything. “Are you sure you’re in the real world child? Experiencing the same things over and over again? All the men the same age? Are you in a time loop?”  The Real world? The words of my friend. The matrix. India. Designed to learn, show us what we are here for. Full circle. 

Going into the same loops for half a year from the first day until the last. Only to understand what love means. It’s nothing personal. We’re all one. One and the same. They come and they go. As a piece of the puzzle. You want completion. You want the puzzle piece to fit. Once you realize it doesn’t, it disappears and the universe is throwing the next one at you, only to learn that also that one is no fit. And so the circles keep opening and closing. Yet I want everything. 

My fairy tale dream remains my dream. It wasn’t the fitting piece, yet my love. My love for everything to complete. Only him. No one else. My fondest memory as I choose it to be. Deeply rooted in my heart as I learned from him what love means. 

All the puzzle pieces falling apart, yet he remains part of me. As part of my heart. My journey of love in the matrix of life as it is a dream. I will go on. Alone. For me for my last days to close the circle. Feel the deep love for everything. As we’re all the same. One. Becoming our own mirrors. 


Right now, I'm in a state of mindI wanna be in like all the timeAin't got no tears left to cry


Two hearts, one valve
Pumpin' the blood, we were the flood
We were the body and
Two lives, one life
Stickin' it out, lettin' you down
Makin' it right

Seasons, they will change
Life will make you grow
Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry
Everything is temporary
Everything will slide
Love will never die
Sunsets, sunrises
Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves
Changin' the seasons
Some nights I think of you
Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last
Wishin' and dreamin'
So, I made you think that I would always stay
I said some things that I should never say
Yeah, I broke your heart like someone did to mine
And now you won't love me for a second time
I don't know why I run away, oh, girl
Said I'll make you cry when I run away
Girl, take me back 'cause I wanna stay
Save your tears for another
I realize that I'm much too late
And you deserve someone better
Save your tears for another day
Feel like I've already said this a kabillion eighty times
How many times can I say the same thing different ways that rhyme?
What I really wanna say is
If there's anyone else that can relate to my story
Bet you feel the same way I felt
When I was in the same place you are, when I was afraid to...
LOVE
Music. The signs of the universe cooking my Kitchari. India. The Tea Stall of Destiny. 
No need to run and hide, it’s a wonderful wonderful Life. 

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