Albania - The Return

Sitting in what reminds me of the Marshrutkas of my next favorite Sakartvelo. Georgia. The small busses going in between the cities in these small mountain countries. Exactly two years ago I find myself in the same spot on a motorbike on the back of a new pickup. This time in opposite direction. Back to home. The camping, move love and sweet mother of choice. Two years. And here I am again being picked up first late night from the airport to make sure I’ll get to my host safely and dropped only 12 hours later at the bus to my focus destination. My focus of so many months… slowly leaving the city after arranging the necessities, running my errands in the first half of the day, the sun already more than bearable. Finally getting to a phone shop, getting my new Sim, I cannot believe what I see. Your pin is: 1111. I look at the time and my foot. Triple synchronicity. 11:11. Who believes in coincidences? I sure do not. My traveling souls with me, our three year anniversary. Two years ago right here. Who could believe it? I sure cannot. Still not realizing the place I’m in, the kindness of the people overwhelming as I remember it. Smiling, helping anywhere you go, speaking German. 

Little houses on Green hills passing by…. backpack full of fresh fruit and melted chocolates, I’m making a mess for the thousands time. I just don’t learn. Back I am. 

As we keep moving four more hours, the landscape changes. The familiar mountain ranges, covered with trees, the fields where goats, sheep and horses are grassing and finally the one and only appearing in front of my eyes for the first time. The Vjosë. Even more beautiful than I remember graciously curling through the landscape with her multiple little arms through the rocks and sand. Each minute coming closer to my camp, my love, my mom. When I finally arrive in town I grab myself and ice cream and start walking in the unbearable blistering heat on the asphalt street leading me to my long awaited destination. Many different thoughts and memories of two years ago pass through my head. How I’ve been picked up every time walking down this road. Only minutes later a car stops right ahead of me. My luck is with me again. Here. I jump in. A young man happily smiling at me. We talk for the two minutes that it takes us to the camp, he asks for my contact, his eyes kindly smiling. As I jump off I can see her head turning straight looking at me. She cannot believe it as me myself. Walking towards me she comes to hug me, both of us breaking down in tears. Holding each other for a a long time, sobbing, kissing our heads. It’s that moment I’ve been waiting for so long. Holding my head looking at me. “I cannot believe it. My love. I missed you so much”. As we will repeat that to one another for the rest of the evening. Enjoying the first hours together she starts asking me about all my stories, my heartbreaks, she knew. She felt them all. Her eyes filled with sadness hearing about my last experience teaching me my biggest and most powerful lesson to shift. She’s looking at me in empathy and sympathy. Love. I told you back then what power you have. How powerful you are. I see all the people coming to the camp, changing when they speak to you, leaving more happy. This is your power. I never seen this before or after. You said you understand. Now I really do. And I won’t let people use me for this anymore. Not the ones using me for their pain without loving me back. 

Oh Lina did you get married in India? Ah it really seems like he isn’t the only one who got this impression. Just like I told her the story yesterday seeing the pain in her eyes from my suffering. And you went back to him again? She looks disappointed. Not in me but for the situation I got myself into. You need to understand you have power. I felt you were not good when I saw your pictures. You know I can’t read. But I think I saw it in your eyes. Yes she does. She feels every bit of me, even when she cannot see me. Every day I was thinking about you. You are in my heart, always you cannot change that. I keep hugging her, kissing her cheeks. I cannot describe how close I feel to her if only I could take some of her pain away… some of her struggles. 

Since the blistering heat leaves no other choice but to sit in the shade and breathe we decide to go down to the river, my cure, my love. As the two Dutchies and me get ready finally he arrives. My British friend. Driving in with his camper I go to welcome him. With a bright smile he’s getting out of his car hugging me. “Hello sweetheart. How are you? I knew you were coming”. Grabbing his shirt he’s also ready to go down to the river as he does every day overthrowing me with questions about our common friends, arriving at my Indian wedding that never happened. The water is as beautifully refreshing as ever. The current strong we go laughing, diving into a little cave, sitting on the smooth sand bank under the rock. It’s perfect. Cooling, with the unique view on the rocks and mountains we can finally lower our body temperature. Two hours pass by like the wind. The sweat dripping down on us again. Coming back my appetite takes over. Lucky me I get offered fresh salad and cheese while the conversations about traveling go back to Georgia. The country we all have in common. Hey you are talking about Georgia right? A new person joins the conversation. No coincidences here. 

Showing pictures I get a message from my pick up drop off. I’m laughing. He’s asking me to come to the banja and have a drink. Haha like two years ago. The spirit is still here. Jimmy’s looking at me. Is that the guy who dropped you here? He’s already laughing, I nod. High five, he jumps over. “You rock girl. Exactly like two years ago.” Seems like everyone is thinking the same. When the topic comes up and I suggest hitchhiking to go to the next town, my love is shaking her head. No no Lina. It’s not working for everyone. Only you. Many people try and some even come back. I look at her, at the guys. The spirit connected to her and that place. And so my first 24 hours in the camp have passed just like this. Just like I’ve never been away. Finishing off at the full table drinking beer and my Dona… being the first one going to sleep, hugging me from the back, kissing me. I’m proud of her. She’s learned. Unfortunately out of emergency, struggle, not having a choice anymore. They’ve reached their limits. Both of them. It’s gotten worse. Their stability, capacity, their physical state. It’s hurting me. I cannot do anything about it. I feel helpless. We all do. Surgery, doctors and money is needed and I cannot provide for either one. I love them so much but I don’t know how to help here. I can only just be here now. 

When I wake up after another 9 hour sleep, slowly arising, I go to hug her, make my coffee in the small kitchen and lie down. Two campers are paying for their stay. Dona asks:

 “you’re giving me too much money?” They are not shy to explain why. “Yes because it is so amazing. Thank you so much for your place we really enjoyed it. We hope so much that when you join the EU it will help the people here. That it changes for the better.” She Keeps thanking them and telling them that this is only basic. “Yes and this is why we love it so much. No distraction only nature, hiking this is what we’re looking for people think we’re crazy but luxury we have at home. We want to see the country and meet the people”. I’m crying. They find exactly the right words. It’s everything I always wanted to make her understand. How magical her place is for all of us who have the choice. “You made me cry last night with your beautiful words” she says. And so we’re all crying for understanding each other, for supporting each other. 

Just being here brings peace to my heart. Being in the right place like there is no other for me.