Trains of Tears and Joy
Sitting on the balcony the coffee in my hand I read her message. Tears running down my face, I’m so touched. For me you are such a special and important friend for me. I miss you and yesterday right after you were gone my energy left me. Now I sit here in my routine daily life, somehow a feeling of loneliness, thoughts about what will be, negativity. Alongside it’s just easier to fight together than alone and to spend the days by myself. Thank you for cooking daily, getting groceries and for being there. It was nice knowing that there was someone waiting for me coming home. I already miss you. No Lina who’s living in the room behind the bathroom. A little feeling of emptiness right now. I hope we will see each other soon again. I’m always there for you even if delayed. ❤️
I will never be able to grasp how lucky I am having such wonderful souls in my life who inspire me so much. Who make me a better person, who show me values, my boundaries, my flaws and worth in love and sensitivity. Honestly, openly and kind.
Next stop. I sit in the train. Again. Surprise. Tears rolling down my face as I read the letter she put in my backpack. Eight hours later, two of my other bestest left behind. Too early than too late. We’re sitting outside the station in the attempt of catching an earlier train as mine got canceled. Only flaw… she has my bags stuck in traffic. Friday. Luckily my host asking me to check, I find the cancellation. My brave Frenchy coming with me. When finally after all the planning we manage to meet in person to sit close by the Rhine talking after over two years. Consistency. Dedication. She’s come a long way. As we all have. I’ll stay with you until you get a train. My heart. It’s a matter of minutes. Friday. German trains. I let go. All on a sudden the twist as my love arrives in the very last minute, honking, throwing the bags at me. I love you. Run!! My other one running ahead. Platform four. I breathe heavily running. My bag is too heavy. I have to stop ten meters before the train. She’s almost there, touching the train, it starts moving in front of our eyes. I don’t move. We’re out of breath. Heading back down, shrugging our shoulders, we hug each other. At least more time together. Walking back the hall V is walking towards us. Seeing us, she’s stamping her feet on the ground, her hands to fists. Disappointment, humorously flipping out. Support as I know it. All in. Ah shit. Fuck. I was hoping so much not to see you here anymore. Shit shit. Fuck. One minute. We’re smiling. More time together. Time that’s so rare for all of us. Let’s grab a coffee. Country triangle. The door between our world uniting us. Again. After years. It’s holy for me. They’re staying. Back home. Settling for a while we’re sitting at the table reconnecting. It’s surreal. All of us. Here now. Where we’ve been two years ago when for the first time I started my journey. It’s too beautiful to have angels like them in my life, accompanying my journey.
All of them. Lifting me up, holding me when I’m falling. Se Life as we say.
All the later trains, it’s the next day. After a long drinking night with new friends, laughing our asses off, I - surprise have tears in my eyes from excitement of finally seeing, her my shining star after over a year of distance. Spending my first night in an unknown place with wonderful new people, I feel like I’ve found new friends. Such openness and initial connection, getting handed a cold glass of Rosé after finally arriving at half past ten. This night ends as joyful as it has started. After a long time I find myself sitting on a table drinking with new people, laughter not wanting to end, the topics absurdly humorous. At 2am I finally put myself to bed as my host is lying arms and legs across the bed sleeping. What a take off. Having coffee together, he recommends me the best Italian ice cream in all the area, on my way to the train, Italian Ayurvedic breakfast after yoga. Straciatella. Creamy, extraordinarily delicious. Today the trains are on time. Already in the tram I cannot hold back my tears. Too surreal the thought of finally hugging her. Only one more hour, we’re having our personal countdown. My last weekend here. In Germany. With her. The journey begins.
Getting off the train, my heart beating fast, almost jumping out of my chest, I walk down the stairs and see… Her. Finally. So unreal. I walk down, opening my arms, she hugs me with a large smile across her face as I know her. Falling into her arms instantly tears start splashing out of my eyes, I’m sobbing and I won’t stop. I’m touching her. I cannot believe it’s her in flesh and blood right there with me. Only have we seen each other once in our life over a year ago before India, building our friendship solely over the phone. Strongly, deeply, authentically. And now here we were. Together for 48 hours, counting down in the blink of an eye, I could feel every second passing by as if it was the most precious time not to return again. Being next to her, with her, her family, her brothers treating me as their own, I keep touching her, holding her hand, not believing it’s happening. The support of her family including me, celebrating my journey as if it was their own daughter’s, making it even more special. Every moment a gift, every second feeling the time counting closer to separate us again. After endless liters of fresh Rosé wine from the beautiful German Tuscany, deep talks with her mother and brothers, it’s already time to leave. Again. Again for the fifth time in five days with my four closest ones after years and months reunited, having to let go again. Separation. Each day a new hello welcome and goodbye. Until we meet again somewhere in the world.
A day in the blistering hot sun of June in German Tuscany
Sleeping next to her, nothing feels safer. Everything is ok. Life is good.
As we sit in the car for our last hour together I literally see the time counting down in front of me so rapidly, preparing me that our time together has passed. She’s going back to the hotel to fly out to Canada eventually as she puts me to my accommodation for the last night before leaving Germany.
A wonderful community. As I have imagined to live for a long time, all in their own wagons, sharing kitchen and bathrooms in a large green camp ground. I couldn’t imagine any place more fitting before I’m starting my journey to… yes to see her. The Camp. The camp I’ve been missing for so long. My other home in paradise. My other mother. Only one day from now. Too unreal. It’s all too much. Too many emotions. Crashing another home in a new country, I find the first helping hand offering me to pick me up from the airport late night and directly take me on a trip with him the next day after a lot of back and forth. Tomorrow. On the road. 24 hours. Nothing can describe my feelings going back into the world. To places I may have known and places I haven’t. How will I tell her?! How will she react? Here I am starting anew. Circling with the loves of my life, coming with me in my heart and one in flesh and blood. Albania. Here we come again.
Ready to go…
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