Togetherness

 ~ DonaLove ~

Sitting in the armchair under the tree staring at all the guys sitting on the wooden tables drinking beer on the early afternoon. I enjoy it. Too hot to do much else than chillin in the shade eating ice cream and drinking beer. The ice cream man. Jimmy. Seems we have made it a habit since I asked him the first day to bring some, the next day to stop for it on the way to the blue eye and yesterday returning from the river. So there he comes again with a whole box of ice creams, making all of us really happy. "He loves you" she says to me while I'm cutting the vegetables for cooking on the outside gas flask. I look at her "he's good to everyone“ „yes this is true but not everyone understands him". 

For this she loves me, she sees me, she loves me so whole­heartedly like I know only few do as only few see me as she sees me. Making me a greater person. When every day she brings my good sides to light, cherishing them, strengthening them, appreciating them in ways that rarely anyone does. Every morning hugging me, kissing my head, like I'm her own, still in disbelief if I'm really there. Adoration from deep inside, at times admiration for all I am. Fighting for giving me the best parts of the food, providing abundant nourishment in any way possible. Making sure I'm happy and at peace at all times, being comfortable with where I sleep, what I eat, where I go, whom I'm with. Feeling inside my heart, at least twice a day checking in, making sure I will not hide from her, looking into my eyes to see how I feel deep inside. No one like her caring for me in all the ways she does. No one loving me like her for this I know why I am here. When every day she brings my good sides to light, cherishing them, strengthening them, appreciating them in ways that rarely anyone does. No one loving me like her for this I know why I am here.

I’m laying in the hammock, hungover. Long night. I listen to her voice. I feel like I’m missing connection, to love, to people’s hearts. I reflect on her words, thanking me for all I am, for accepting who she is, her words making me tear up. Verbalizing what I mean to her, my heart, my love is coming towards me, I’m reflecting to her my feelings, about my friend. It all started here two years ago, she’s witnessed it. Not only with her. She’s stroking my head, kissing my forehead. 

This is what I told you all the time two years ago my love. This is why you’re so special. All this love you give to people I wanted you to give to yourself, only a little bit more love for yourself. Not to be so hard on yourself. Not judge yourself. All the time. You grew up. For this I am so happy you changed. For other things I never want you to change. To stay the same you are in your heart with the people. I love you so much. You are always in my heart, no matter where you are. Having you here is like a dream, seeing you every day, means the world to me. 

Her my Dona, she always saw me. Always for who I was, all everything, she feels my heart to the deepest. With everything I am, she expresses her love to me every day, all the time, every minute we cross, our gazes meet, a touch, a hug, a kiss, embracing, holding each other, behind the counter, in the camp, on the table, under the tree…she’s wise. It’s not only me she sees. Everyone like a human radar for the good in people… and their struggles. 

Reflections. My open hearted friend getting back to me with the same thoughts, the same shared love. It’s so important to express our love for one another as much as we can, making sure the people we care most about feels our appreciation for their being, our care and respect for them, how grateful we are that they’re part of our lives as it wouldn’t be the same without them. Every day here I learn this through her.  

Like last night in the circle of our three guitar players, in the intimacy of the darkness when the hours became early again, tears start coming out of my eyes. Tears of longing, of lost - and found love. Tears of loneliness and heartbreak. The longing for this one special love brought out by singing along the heartfelt songs the guys present through their guitars. Singing together, a group of young travelers, she puts her arm around me when she sees my tears. Not before we had a deep conversation or touch. Is it ok if I hug you? Are you hurting? She’s looking at me softly like a flower as her name suggests. She feels me. There we are in understanding, nothing need to be said yet we have similar stories of shared pain. This is when we know. When we can start caring only by looking into each other’s eyes, seeing one another inside our hearts. 

Like this morning when his little son won’t stop showing me their home for the trip, he doesn’t want to leave, I feel a similar connection as to his dad from the first night when I showed them the river and our hearts connected for the first time. An initial spark I feel for the two of them just like for the couple who could have been my parents. Lovely from the first moment when she looks deep into my eyes asking me about life. Sharing her spirituality, her appreciation for me. Spending a day together, the four of us, with the one reminding me of my once to be bestest, hiking the canyon, using the smoothly shaped rocks as our slide, our own personal water park, giggling like children, jumping in again and again, walking through the water up to our hips, running into waterfalls, admiring the steep stone walls next us, around us, looking up the sky praying for it to stay stable. I really enjoyed meeting you. I’m so proud you told your mom about me. They leave. Like they all do. At some point. I’m still here. With her. Tomorrow is Sunday. Friendship day. I cannot wait. 

Is what I thought… as when I come back from the river, my love I go to say hi to new guests, standing in the entrance when I have just told my flower about the reflection, the love, my friends coming in the next days. I look at the large green motorcycle rolling in next to me. It takes me no longer than a split second to recognize my friend. Jumping up and down, screaming, laughing my excitement taking over she takes off her heavy helmet. Laughing, falling into my arms we kiss and hug each other for some long moments as it’s hard to realize what has just happened. Here in that place. Us now. Together. Jumping, introducing one another to my love, my heart, exchanging all the good words we have for one another, the stories we heard about each other, standing there together in the kitchen, you, me, her, I cry again. What a special moment. 

Connecting all the dots back at the river, I receive a message announcing his arrival. They come and they leave. This is it. Back at the camping where it all started.