Samsara

Once you break the routine it's hard to come back. Yet there is always something to say. The same circles arising between the states and I find myself back, faced with the reality of my life. Where to go, what to do, with whom and when. I wish to be held, I wish to be helped, I wish I didn't have to make all the decisions on my own. I wish there was someone taking me by the hand telling me where I belong. Not forever, for now. Or maybe for always.

The people I love - far away. Some too far making it harder to find orientation in this world. The need to be loved, have the people I love near me to give me guidance. To make me feel safe and seen. Sometimes it's too much. The superficiality of meeting people for a short time, having the time of my life and just within a moment it all disappears again and I’m alone. They leave, they move on to the next place and find new people, new adventures. Only the least are lasting through time and space becoming true friends. One in a million. My urge to find these people over and over again, growing with time. The longer I stay the stronger my desire to find souls close to my heart. People who stay. With me. For longer than only some days.

I adjust my standards as I want to share some good times with the people around. For some time it's blissful, the next time I feel unfulfilled, empty, unseen and unrecognized for who I truly am. Time. Time is what it takes. Time is what most people are lacking and time is all I have. Time and an open heart to connect to people. To share thoughts, feelings and life itself. To connect, to come together, be together, stay together and hold each other's hands in the process.

A new chapter in the loop of where to go and what to do. Big city life, people, socializing, connecting, going out and having fun. Safe space. Or isolation, nature, alone time, studying, routine, introspection and process into the unknown. Both seem appealing, yet every time it's time to decide I find myself disoriented in this world about what to do next. A never ending path that's longing for salvation. For the eternal happy ever after place. Physically, mentally, spiritually. The cycle of life.

Breaking the cycle. Breaking through, layer by layer, a challenge every time. Yet every time revealing a truth. A truth of where we're standing in life and what the next step on our path has to uncover for us. Precious, fragile and unique for each of us to pursue to understand we are exactly where we need to be. At all times. Never mistaken. As we choose newly as to where we go each and every moment in time. When we are here and now, engaged in each moment, life is always at its best. It is how it is supposed to be. All the time. It's play. It's curious, it's new, it's creative and colorful. Only we have to step all into it and take every moment as it is and appreciate it as such. Samsara.