Pachamama

 I’ll never do it again. Or In India everything is possible, only one thing is not possible nothing. Love it or hate it. Live it or leave it. The country of contrasts.

The flow following us by foot. Arriving at the train station, welcomed by locals guiding us to the exit, our driver taking us to… Pachamama.

They say you shouldn’t reject a tattoo when it’s offered to you. At least that’s what we say, totally enthusiastic about the  idea of getting a tattoo the next day, researching spiritual signs, symbols and star constellations. Sitting down at the top floor restaurant, beautifully lightened with red lights, the walls decorated with paintings, the mats on the floor batik colored, we become more and more excited, studying the menu. By then we wouldn’t even know that this would also be the most delicious meals we’ve had so far. 

This place bringing us from one moment of laughter from synchronicity to the next. Spotting a guy who was in the same spot the night before in front of us in the hostel, only in a different city… curiosity, same room number only another city. Little sparkling lights, a lamp shining in all colors from mosaic, the whole place decorated to feel like we belong. 

Sitting together finishing off the day, we’re scribbling our ideas for our upcoming tattoos. Intuition. That’s what the spiritual diary will say to me the next day too as our newly discovered tattoo artist. His eyes honest, kind, curious. I leave it to him. I know you a bit now. From what you said and how you look. I know you’re writing. I can come up with something that suits you. I totally believe him. I feel almost embarrassed by his calm knowing humbleness, by his connectedness to the universe. I feel what I feel so often when I meet new people who impress me, I feel trust and warmheartedness though I don’t know them. Yet he’s exactly the right man for our next tattoo. 

After a long day in the impressive city of Jaipur, we’re sitting in the same spot. Tired and happy having seen the magnificent endless ports going up and down the hills, temples and holy places. Cows, camels, elephants, donkeys and goats on the road, monkeys jumping up and down the temple walls eating tomatoes and eggplant. And not to forget the one hour shopping trip at a local fabric factory where all fabrics are being handprinted with natural colors, designed and made into clothes by hand. After a long phase of decision making, finally we pay our tailor made shirts and pants to arrive at our place the next day. 

A vibrant day of laughter and exploration. I’m happy we’re doing this together she says in the in the morning when we get on the road. And so am I. 

Sitting in the train to our next destination in great Rajasthan. Like the time before every two minutes someone is coming around with snacks, chocolates, coffee, chai or sandwiches. But not only that will we take a twenty minute break where all kinds of meals including desserts will be offered. Cold ice coffee, veg Thali, Amul ice cream, veg biryani, sweets, Lassi the voices sound through the train gang way again and again… it won’t stop. We exchange looks as we’re the snacking queens, overly preparing ourselves by checking all the markets for sweet and salty snacks, filling our bags the day before. Not necessary in this country. This will be the last time I’m making this mistake.

Each of us a rose on our backpack from the guys who made Pachamama a new home for us to return to for the changes of years. We’re giggling on our way to the metro, people greeting us, smiling at us. More than even the last days, as if the sun was shining out of our souls. She sure is full of sunshine euphoric about her new tattoo, she can’t stop laughing. I share the happiness about our last hours. About yesterday our strolls through the busy colorful bazar, buying scarfs, kimonos, Indian dresses, jewelry, snacks and fruits. Crossing the endless humming streets between all the bikes, cars, Tuktuks and animals, becoming natural flows with the traffic. Giggling on the bed putting on our new kimonos, taking pictures, trying on our tailor made clothes that have been delivered to the door by this sweet young man, having to check with his boss even for leaving them with us accepting them without trying. A different world that we seem to manage quite well, the universe on our side all these days. 

Yet a part of me is sad. Knowing that when she’s getting her tattoo first in the last hour before leaving when we still have our bill open, there’s not a chance I would get mine done. I feel in the shadow, I feel like she doesn’t care that I didn’t get mine. I can feel how sharing the light with another person, is bringing difficulties to my heart. For the first time not centering attention around me, traveling together with her is challenging me. Testing my patience and exposing my nerves, my insecurities and sides that I don’t like to see in myself when she mirrors me unknowingly and I see my reflection. This restless, impatient, all knowing, annoyed version of myself that seeks attention. The parts that I may easily hide from myself, not from her though. 

Yet my disappointment leads me to our idea for NYE. Waiting for my instant pasta to be made in the kitchen upstairs it comes to me as clear as crystals, we’re supposed to be here for the change of years. All the amazing guys, this beautiful hostel, inviting us back as their friends, recommending us to see other places in this state, I come back down and present my idea which is greatly welcome. It feels right. I’m happy. We’re all smiling making a reservation for the week after. Pachamama. I unpack half of my backpack, travel light. I feel excitement. A first place that feels like it could become a home of friends. As he says on the phone. My sweet when he’s calling for the first time in months, seeing his happy face, telling me of his spiritual, exciting last weeks that seem out of this world. These overwhelming encounters he’s living through, love struck every time. Every time I hear him, read him, see him, I feel in my heart how lucky I was to meet him. I have so much love for that person that was brought to me almost five months ago, that first day and became a friend the same instant. And stayed.

Hugging our new family bye for a few days, Vineet hands each of us a rose, you were the last of Pachamama, no coincidence. Now he’s moving to Goa. Let me know when you’re coming. I was happy to meet you. His smile is sincere. Goa that place for next year. It wasn’t meant for now. This is for the new year.