Butterfly

 

She’s a Butterfly. He says for the second time. The second day like when I flew away from his class to another one. From one person to the next one here in our private breakfast circle. A social Butterfly. A social butterfly that seems to not be resting from the unexpected social encounters. He’s making me part of the inner circle. The core. Involving me into his events. No questions asked. I got that notion. And there I am on the table again with the girls, new girls sharing my insights. High frequencies finally becoming draining to some point.

Yet my bestest and me rejoin an hour later recharging, understanding. Seems we’ve found the flow for us to be in perfect harmony. No matter if our exciting unexpected meetings become a bit overwhelming at times. Getting a cappuccino and a cupcake and we are all back at the water. The rock. That’s what she is for me. Three months it’s been. Almost. Time has flown by like the light colorful butterfly I am. Rebirth and transformation. Waves, flow, currency. Us. Together in the flow or against the stream but always together.

I’m exhausted, I seek rest. Accidentally did I walk three hours in the mountain finding nowhere. I cancel the meeting and ask for a rain check to help the community the next day at the actual New Moon event. Cacao and dancing again. I cook our leftovers from this morning‘s Goddesse’s Breakfast Club with her, topping it up with some crunchy extras. I had invited Master M, he didn’t reject, yet he didn’t come. I knew. He would not break his routine to come along and try something he wouldn’t usually do. Anyhow this was the call to make this our own divine Women’s circle as his lovely assistant and my beautiful friend is inviting herself instead when she sees the cooking video. The three of us. My core circle. Private Chefin in town my bestest states. Us. Unbeatable.

Finishing my early dinner my phone is plinging again. I take a look as initially tears start building, rising up and moments later splashing out of my eyes. I start reading and can’t stop my tears from streaming down my face. My chest  is trembling. I’m moved like I haven’t been in a long time. Tears of love, gratitude, hurt and longing are streaming down my face. I’ve missed him. I’ve seen him in different people over the last days but I couldn’t feel him anymore. He’s slipped through my fingers like soft velvet. I cry. Tears of relief, of friendship and love. I feel so much gratitude for the trust in his words when he shares the deepest of his heart with me. 

The second one today. Claiming that it’s easier to share with a woman than a man. Sharing with me out of the blue what’s been deep inside of him because of what I mean to him. An apology. Rarely have I read such a touching piece. Rarely have I felt so trusted and valued. I’m touched and moved and all over the place with my emotions like the whole universe once again is shifting inside of me from love, from my own pain with my dad. Just today when I wrote him… like a call. A reminder from a different realm, he’s coming back to me to remind me how important forgiveness is.

As I share my emotions with her, her my loyal companion and closest friend she offers to come over again like this morning, to hold me to soothe me. I refuse, telling her I was ok. [Writing this exact sentence] it knocks on my door. I get up from my bed hoping it’s not the owner. I unlock the door and… it’s Her. She is standing right there in front of me with a leftover piece of pumpkin cinnamon cake she’s saved for me. The rock. My goddess rock. What am I going to do without her? 

How did all this come together? How deserving am I? I’m telling my Ami. She reminds me of a situation years ago. How a strange woman in bus started sharing something very personal to me reflecting back to me what she saw in my eyes knowing that she could share with me. I’ll think about you. I’ll support you in my thoughts with everything that waits for you. You are loved :) sometimes it is hard to accept all of it isn’t it? I miss you Love. I feel this feeling of missing someone which in some way feels nice, like also I feel very grateful, I guess thats why it is nice too. She speaks to my soul, through my soul. With all her love and all that love that all of us combined have spread and built up only within moments by sharing our love through words and without even knowing each other I connected three different souls from where some time ago another one had connected us in the first place. 

As one of the girls says to me looking at me in disbelief when she sees my apartment. Don’t you sometimes think like how much must the universe love me having found a place like this? She hit the nail on the head. Indeed I do. This is what I think exactly every single day since I’ve arrived and it still seems unreal. Once again it’s been one of these days for you she says. And it seems they keep coming. Since I’ve become selective, the rising woman, every day magic is appearing for me in form of people, in form of energy of kindness and love. This was all I’ve ever asked for. A loyal friend who keeps standing by me no matter what, a community involving me, integrating me without a question without my own doing. A circle of friends to grow and share the journey with, my teacher master M who is not only leading on my journey but also becoming a friend, my neighbors and friends from cafés through the shops and yogis from the classes. My breakfast encounters and long ago travel buddies all coming together here. In this tiny place that became my home. My home for transformation like the Butterfly. The Butterfly going through the motions, through the processes to expand to thrive to fly. Fly into life. Into love. Into the world. To give and receive.