Time for Myself

It's day two. Or three. The second full day. The sun has set and it's dark. 6pm like every day. Instantly it's freezing cold as it is dark. I change from my shirt into layers of sweaters, poncho, two layers of socks and wrap myself in a blanket. I love this place. Dinner I had only half an hour before in the sun at 5.30 like a real German. 

Waking up this morning I feel a bit smashed remembering that I had quite some vodka while talking on the phone to my friends. Since the sun sets so early it cannot have been much later than 9 when I went to bed. The early times are good for me even when I'm drinking. Slowly I open my eyes and get up to lighten an incense and make my beloved ginger honey lemon. My absolute favorite that for now removed my even more beloved coffee from the menu as the number one right after waking up. A true rarity I realize chugging it down as if it was the only thing I ever needed. This blend of the fresh sharp ginger with the crisp fruity lime adding the sweetness of the honey in the cold mornings is just unbeatable. When two hours have passed I realized that I still didn't make myself a coffee. Time. This is what I was looking forward to so much. This time for myself. I don't even understand how it's already 10 when I literally feel like I just woke up.

It's a nice morning. Slowly the clouds are moving and the sun is coming out. As manifested. As my lovely Nisha just said when I arrived. Lina when you come the sun is coming out. Yes. Indeed exactly like a year ago. Summer in winter. I finally make myself a coffee and start getting into just another unnecessary chat with an Indian guy. No surprises, nothing new. The same dynamics as always, almost getting me a bit stressed, yet I feel calmer than the times before. I cannot let the ignorance from the other side get the best of me. When I finally let it go, I put on my leggings and decide that after a three day break it's time to step on the mat again. And what a time it is. Full of motivation I go into exercising for almost two hours inclusive photo shoot. I'm like a child playing on her favorite playground, having so much fun like I didn't have outside the yoga classes in a long while. Only some parts are still aching from the practice although it must be almost a week ago. I can see how rest is the solution. Pause. I move my mat outside to the balcony into the sun, trying to get the blood flow moving into my freezing hands and feet, closing my eyes, resting my sitting bones and feel the warmth of the rays of the sun warming the skin of my face and heart.

After a few minutes I decide that it's time for breakfast as the clock has already hit 1pm. More like a brunch time already. Super excited I take a hot shower, melt my coconut oil to massage it into my muscles and start cooking a creamy cinnamon porridge. I cut my favorite fruits, take a handful of walnuts and almonds and sprinkle them on top. Some lime for the freshness and dried kiwis and blackberries for the extra flavor. I cannot remember when was the last time I was so excited for a breakfast. It's magic to me. All of this. The sun over the mountains, me finally being able to make my own food and enjoying it in the beautiful view.

By the time I'm ready, it's almost 2pm and I still feel like I literally just woke up an hour before. Excited to seize the day, I make my way down to the shop I wanted to explore more closely as I was too burdened the day before when I had a small chat with the cute shop owner. Walking down the mountain, I start making some notes for my writings, squatting in a shady corner to type. Simultaneously somehow an interconnection with two other people takes place as a local is asking a Japanese girl if we are traveling together while I ask her if she just went to yoga school while the local explains that it's closed but he knows a yoga teacher. And so we all end up exchanging numbers and planning on yoga and nature trips.

While I walk down with my new acquaintanceship I show her how to get to the waterfall and where to get the real Baghsu cake. She smiles and enters the shop while I go for mine. I start rummaging through the boxes full of clothes for 200 while He is bringing me a stool to sit on. Slowly he's melting asking if I could remind him of my name again. I try on a few clothes, taking my time as there is nowhere I have to be and coming to his shop was my only singular plan for the day. A plan that worked out quite well as I had it in mind when I finally find a wonderful outfit that makes me feel like totally me and he asks me for my contact before I leave. Having cleared up that I like to drink and he likes to drink he asks if I am free in the evening. There goes my manifestation.

Returning back I grab some more lime and another piece of  Baghsu cake before saying bye to my new friend again. Once I arrive it's already past 3pm and I don't really see a reason to look for anything else than being here with me. I start snacking and uploading pictures. I decide it's a good time to start cutting the veggies to cook for dinner when my breakfast is just two hours ago. I feel like singing and dancing and so I put on my headphones and start dancing on the balcony, the sun in my face. The world is mine. I feel free and happy and at ease. I feel grateful and peaceful and a deep feeling of belonging. Here. In this world. In these mountains. In this universe. I close my eyes and let fully go. Finally going inside, cooking my meal with all the lentils, veggies, spices and greens that I love so much. Indian style. Reminds me of the year before when someone said I was more Indian than German when they saw me cooking. It brings so much warmth and excitement to my heart to finally eat my self made meals that go not only directly into my stomach but into my soul. Literally nourishing every part of me. I only understand now how much I've missed it.

When the day before in the morning some tears start dropping out of my eyes, rolling down my cheeks I understand that they were long held in. Same for making my breakfast and realizing how much I've missed a place that makes me feel like home. A place that provides a safe space for me where I can just be. A place that may have changed in the outside with all the constructions. A place that may be rough and cold when I go outside on the streets to the shops and the ignorant and egocentric shop owners talk rudely or not at all to me. And yet I know. I know where to go. I know which place to sit down to enjoy a large cup of cappuccino from the lovely Tibetans and find the largest selection of the most delicious cakes and pies. I know to just cross the street sit down in the tiny shed and get my basic standard lunch rice, beans, lentils, dhal and some veg for 100 rupees. Not a word of English, I ask for Lunch while the police men on the other table put their raw veggies on my table and order me to eat.

I know not to buy my clothes from the shops where they treat me like I'm an unwelcome intruder but to walk back up and buy a warm poncho from the man in the tiny shop who has nothing else but this one poncho and a cozy sweater from the sweet Tibetan woman who is warming my hands before I go. I know. I know this place for almost three years and it has always made me feel warm especially in the cold season. When it's quiet, when it's peaceful and all you can hear at night is the barking of the dogs if not absolute silence. In India.

When I eat my early dinner in the sun I realize once more this day that everything is exactly as it should be. Everything how I want it to be. I could live like this forever. I could just be. If I had some people I love with me I would be the happiest person alive. The place just above the Dalai Lama. Maybe it's him or maybe it's just me. But really it doesn't matter because all that matters for now is me and the mountains. Me and my peace and my time for myself. This is the time for myself.