Eclipse Season

 A new Day. I wake up before 5. Again. Too early. Going to bed after my first body opening, my body feels restless despite the aching muscles and the exercise. As always I start with my little rituals into this beautiful new day in my beautiful new clean home. I watch the sun rise behind the mountains, light up an incense and set up some flowers that the previous person has left next to the incense. Only a bit later I shall get fresh ones dedicated to me. The place is beautiful. Everything I need, I have. Euphoria is catching me in every detail. The hanging pink neon light, the window front and all the tiny things the girl has left behind that are just the things I need. I'm dancing with joy. The flow and magic from last year, only meters away from my old place. Maybe it's the energy of this place like some of my new friends have suggested as well seeing all the synchronicities happening around me, for me just my sister last year. It's visible.

I grab a few bags and go to the shop to buy some things for my new home. Turns out the few things become three full bags and leave me at the register without enough cash. Collecting everything I run back home, grab a few hundreds and go all the way back and forth twice again. I throw my things under the sink and go to my embodied movements workshop. The first activity of the day that will open the gate into all the upcoming connections to happen. Finally learning with the one and only. The most inspiring woman I have met in a very long time. Not only physically expressing what she's capable of but most of all and most importantly mentally and spiritually. Connecting all of us emotionally by picking exercises that build trust, surrender and empathy between all of the participants. Creating a true safe space, making sure to remind us  over and over again that there is nothing we can do wrong. Encouraging us to take our space and listen to our bodies. 

Trying new movements in our body, moving our spine, balancing, playing games, catching each other, imitating animals I find myself faced with aspects of myself I didn't expect to encounter as I do. In the comfort zone she's created I find myself surrendering to my body which makes me extremely proud. No look on the outside, no rambling mind that is questioning how I look or how to coordinate my movements but just flow thanks to her reassurance. When it comes to the partner work we not only feel how much supporting each other is helping us grow into higher spheres but also we are given the opportunity to experience through our bodies how difficult it can be to trust and let go and surrender to another person with your eyes closed.

When we reach the end of the class it's not the first time I'm tearing up. We've all been walking around with our eyes closed until she stops us. Now I'm standing in a corner my eyes closed waiting for what's to happen. She hasn't tapped me to open my eyes. It feels like minutes are passing but it cannot be more than a few seconds while my mind is making up all kinds of scenarios of what the others are doing. Unpleasant childhood memories are arising. Reaching back to kindergarten, elementary school when nobody picked me for the upcoming exercises, when no one wanted me to be part of their team because I wasn't good enough. When children pointed their fingers at me laughing. Excluded. The outcast. Always left alone, always left behind, tortured, made fun of. Cruelty. 

I remind myself I'm in adult and I'm in a safe space when a scary thought is creeping up inside of me. What if... I hear her voice. Everyone who still has their eyes closed now fall backwards. Yes... Exactly what I was afraid of. I see nothing. I'm just standing there. And so I have to trust. I have to surrender and slowly with tears in my eyes I let myself lean back into the unknown and fall into the darkness. Fall into her arms. My body is shaking, my inside agitated. I open my teary eyes and look into her eyes that have the exact same expression of shock and relief as mine. She is crying too. It's like she completely took over all my emotions. We're hugging. It's a beautiful intimate moment between two women who have been strangers only two hours before. It's therapy. Also our final sharing circle on the height of the crowns of the trees is nothing less than therapeutic linked with the challenge of climbing up to that location.

We are all sitting together as friends. As people who have experienced similar and different emotions throughout our time together that has built a bond between us. Every word of each and every one of us is moving me to tears. So much depth, so much connection, so many beautiful human beings sharing their vulnerability, their ideas of trust and community. That feeling, that space that I've been wanting to create for so long now and she is finding the ways and the words. Being that person. Inspiring people to come into their full potential to believe in themselves. With ease, with simplicity, with sensitivity and understanding. With the utmost attention and embodied wisdom of our physical and emotional beings. Back to our roots in playfulness. To where we belong here on mother earth. The air is filled with connection, gratitude for where we are, what is and what we shared with and for one another. It feels like family.

With a new friend by my side I leave the space to make our way to my favorite place for breakfast. The place of connection. The connection I have with her is already undeniable. It's like the eclipse has already brought out so many similar topics between all of us it is a magical synchronicity that keeps continuing throughout the day. When we arrive at the place it's filled with familiar and unfamiliar faces. My Mexican friend is sitting on a big table awaiting us. She's brought me a gift. I'm surprised and moved. Out of nowhere. So much appreciation. My Master M is nearby too. We're ordering different drinks and foods and dive deep into conversations of spirituality, ceremonies, rituals, life, energies, how we come into our power, our intuition, the Universe, how we need to trust the Universe to tap into our full potential. And so hours pass while we're diving deep going into the world of who we are and what's connecting us.

When the clock hits two we're leaving the café after I've collected another close hug from Master M. Today is the day of connection, of hugs, of embracing each other. As so will we a few minutes later when we say bye for today. I'm in a rush of bliss. Again. The synchronicities as she said like I say. So many things we connected over, impossible to cover all we felt like our energies wanted to cover, open for more. 

Returning home I have a phone date that leaves me no less euphoriant. I'm hyped. Hyped by life. For life. The place I live in, the people I'm surrounded with, the things I'm doing, the foods I'm eating, the drinks I'm drinking. Life is abundant and generous. When I hang up the phone it's time for my yoga class. I give him the key for any case. After all he's the one who provided me the room. My beloved yogi of torture. Forward bending. I stretch through the class fully flexible, picking up another new friend from where I used to live. She's a sister. She's a like minded soul not only but we find each other in our hearts. On our way. We cannot stop talking about what's been preoccupying me throughout my whole time in India. She's curious and open, deeply reflected and a critic like me. She wants to learn to know to understand, break through systems and norms. A fighter like me. Eating in my favorite little spot we cannot stop talking until they kick us out. Luckily we have all the way to our homes to keep chatting. It's already later than I would usually stay out as my energy is slowly drained because I woke up early and the whole day was made up of socializing. I show her my room before we hug good bye, glad to have found each other, hoping to meet again before she's leaving.

Fulfilled, grateful and happy, I sink into my soft sheets ready for a good night sleep. I feel abundant. Have I been blessed with such amazing people since I returned I cannot believe what can happen once you open yourself up for the limitless potential of the Universe. Blissful, joyful, safe, heard, seen and understood I sink into a sleep that luckily lasts until after 6.30 this time.

I feel the night turning into day as slowly light is shedding through my window. I open my eyes and welcome a new day. I'm happy. I light an incense and sit down to meditate only for a few minutes. My host is sending me a message. He needs my documents and wants to give me something. I go down to his room. We have a chat, he welcomes me, he's kind and polite. I sit on his bed as if we were friends still in our sleeping clothes. He tells me there is a yogshala on the top of the building for me to practice if I wanted to. When I go to see it I'm even more hyped about my place that I already love so much. It's large, new and spacious for me to go and freely express any movement I feel like. Dancing, singing, practicing. He's apologizing for not having been able to welcome me earlier, returning an hour later to my room, back from the temple to shower me in flowers. A welcome ritual that is important for him to make me feel at home. He's throwing yellow flowers and rose paddles on me sitting on the bed, hanging me a flower necklace around my neck. I'm smiling. I feel so at ease and integrated as if I never knew anything else. It's just beautiful. No awkwardness, no thoughts that are disturbing what is. Only appreciating, celebrating the here and now that makes me feel like a flower queen.

The here and now that seems to gift me with everything I deserve. The eclipse. Providing for us the strength, the power to live our lives to the fullest potential. I feel it every day. I feel it, I appreciate and cherish it. The shift breaking everything open to reorganize. To put the puzzle newly together, redistribute the powers, the energies that flow, putting things into place.

This day is no less magical from the one before. Once I leave the house with rose paddles in my hair I walk up to the space where I assume we're doing the handstand workshop. I walk directly into my girls' arms who also wanna go there. It's in an other place. What a divine timing they say that you just came up here to meet us to know that it's in a different place. We're all laughing along, each of us contributing what synchronicities have been affecting us in the last days recognizing the magic of the season. We're arriving in the space, a large yoga hall which is filled with curious new faces from all over the world and our one and only favorite teacher. 

She has such an aura. Everyone is drawn to her. Her natural playfulness, her pedagogical skills, her interpersonal communication and dedication to what she's doing is making it impossible to resist her. She's embodying fully and truly all that she's teaching. All that she's living with such force and grace at the same time it draws people naturally towards her. She's found her gift and her belonging in movement, having the kindness to share it with us. The class like the day before is full of play and workout at the same time. Understanding our body, learning the drills, the tools to get to where we want to be. But what's more important is that she's teaching us not to be focused on standing on our hands but to appreciate the journey, our personal process, to embrace it and to do the proper steps to not hurt ourselves, instead of rushing towards the goal without having the basic necessary foundation. With her it's never only a physical workout. It's a holistic practice that's including all of who we are. 

I leave this class the same joyful as the day before. Going home to go on to my next journey. The trauma work. Rebirth. I change my clothes and get going, walking directly into my practicing group, collecting a strong hug from her, some more heartwarming words of how we're inspiring each other and go to my next mental experience for the day. Once I reach the place I realize that it is a space where I've experienced some impactful moments for my journey a year before. Almost on the day one year before in the opening fire ceremony for my transformation workshop that I ended up never attending.

I'm lying down on the mat on the exact same spot where I was sitting next to the fire surrounded by all the participants and teachers including Master M. What an interesting setting. It may energetically have an effect on me. Now I'm here one year later to heal something, to transform something on a different journey. Now it's time. This time I'm choosing to be here. To go through the process of crying and cramping and shaking and diving into my hurt from the past to be held in the here and now by people who have chosen to help us all to go through the traumas of our childhood to dissolve them together and hold each other in space.

It's an intense journey where my hand is held, a representative of my mother is picking me up to hold me in my arms and say the words I would have needed to hear as a child to heal the old wounds. My tears are running, I'm shivering, I'm sobbing until slowly they ebb away towards the end. I see my mom before my inner eye and hear her say the words. It is not hard for me to imagine the words as luckily it's not too far from my actual reality. I feel nothing but gratitude and forgiveness and love for my family. For everyone who loves me. I can feel the love everywhere. It's overwhelming. The thought of going back home to see some people I love crosses my mind like it has before these days... It's still a strange feeling I cannot really relate to but slowly I start to introduce and implement the idea into my mind.

Gradually returning into the real world my whole body is sore, it's difficult to see because my eyes are dry from all the tears. I make my way out and I know who I want to meet. My new German friend from last evening. She wanted to go to yoga again which is starting right now. When I look at my phone I'm positively surprised to find messages from her from only minutes before asking to spend time as she wouldn't go to the class.  And so I start walking down towards Ganga stopping by my two favorite places for Chai, cappuccino and a cupcake before settling on a wonderful rock that has the exact shape of my body to lie down and rest my body while I guide her towards me.

When she arrives she is bringing along her wonderful energetic and blissful energy. She is showing her happiness to see me with laughter and a big tight hug. There is nothing I appreciate more in this world than people authentically showing their emotions, sharing their love like I do to really connect on a level of who we authentically are inside. To express our gratitude and appreciation for one another. I know exactly now why I wanted to see her after this process. She's extending my feeling of love for the people around me by showing me the same. Like a mirror. With her sensitivity and curiosity for what I have gone through I can slowly ground myself back into the here and now. I knew it was her I wanted to see. She would understand. She would just be there and our connection would just flow again and extend what we've started the night before. And that is exactly what we do. 

Convincing her to skip the last yoga class and instead enjoy the energy of Maa Ganga, watching the sunset ceremony before she has to leave the next day is easy as she hasn't enjoyed the atmosphere of this most important place here before. It is another magical miracle how in just a few hours we connected so fully and wholly and unexpectedly and how unfortunately we have to separate again tonight only 24 hours later. Standing in front of my place again we cannot stop talking as we have from the first moment we started. My other friend from the day before is walking by. She's leaving the next day as well. You really know everyone here. She's been directly acknowledging the synchronicities happening for me even throughout this short time. She sees my flow. We flow. These days is where all the energies are reorganizing. She says it. You know maybe you are here to speak the truth. To have an impact on the people. To be their mirror. I feel like you have such a rooted standing point and the way you are conveying your honest reflection to people about them is really impactful. I feel honored and seen. I feel so seen and appreciated these days it's almost overwhelming. It's time for another goodbye. Hopefully not forever. We're hugging tightly, she's squeezing me as hard as she can expressing her astonishment of how we have bonded so deeply in such a short time. I could not be more grateful for all these beautiful moments I have been allowed to experience throughout all of the last days since returning to my magical place. Surrendering to what is. Being of service to the Universe. Here and now. Today and every day.