The Split

 11:11. It’s that time. The flow has come back to me as I’ve started opening my mind about how I see and perceive things. And so my perception has shifted to another frequency again it seems. 

With little sleep, pain in my bones, I do my daily shores from tea to coffee, to cleaning, washing my clothes, doing my exercises. Listening to music, tears start running down my face. Not just silently, I feel also pain of love streaming out of my heart. My heart wanting to love, to be loved so much. So deeply. 

The sun is shining. The wind is extremely strong. I’m wearing my flying pants. I walk down the road in confidence. Streets are Indian empty, I know my way. Time to cross over to the other side. For the first time across the new bridge, still under construction. Shortcut.

My mind goes back to the last time I went to Babylon. German Bakery. Password: pumpernickel. Home is where your WiFi connects automatically. I remember how I met this guy doing this body work. Healing massages. How he took me to Ganga. 

It takes no more than 2 minutes that he shows up in front of me. Not before my inner eye but on the bridge here in reality. I look at him and smile. I know you. He comes to follow me to the cafe. Best cappuccino. We’re talking. View on the Ganga, trying to keep the hungry monkeys away. Faster than I can say yes or no he’s spotted the pain in my neck, starting to do deep tissue massage, pressing into the most painful spots. I gotta say. It’s spot on indeed. He knows what he’s doing. It seems this was the exact right timing like so many times before to be in this place where every single day without me even looking for it, someone is sent to me to help me heal my shoulder. Hands on.

I feel relief. He is getting up to leave. Giving me his number, offering that he could help me do some more releasing body work on me later on. I know two things. One. He’s good at what he’s doing and two I need to be careful about the how and where, giving the right impression for him to know where to stop. Like with so often around here. Boundaries. I feel very clear in my mind.

The same second he gets up, two boys from Delhi from the table next to me, start a conversation. Classic. Only now, I kind of enjoy it. The curiosity, the openness, the interest in someone who has seen more in their country than they have. 

Taking an extra piece of apple pie I start going for my shopping down the street, slowly getting tired, I cross the bridge back over to the other side. Just a few meters after I walk into my body worker from the cafe. He’s smiling at me, holding a small gift in his hand. You’re stalking me I say, not sure how true it actually is. I take the tiny red velvet bag. Ganesha. What a great coincidence he is catching me right at his place. I have no resistance here in the flow of today. I let him take me to this building up several stairs like a labyrinth, grabbing an old mattress, taking me into some Homestay room. Whatever the universe brings to me I hope it will contribute to the healing of my pain. Not blindly, consciously. 

And indeed this deep tissue body worker has me crying in pain. Tears coming out of my eyes. My body is exhausted but I feel how much it’s needed. Relaxing spiritual music is playing while his hands are working on me in this sticky stuffy room, the sun coming in through the dirty curtains. Totally and completely. Let it go. Let it go. Take the love from the Universe. You deserve it. You always give love to the everyone. Now it’s time for you to receive. You’re the best. Indian style. He’ll remind me once in a while of taking deep breaths. I do as he says and try to let the energy flow, relax in my pain. 

After over an hour I stop him and tell him it’s time to get going. Getting out of this place my body is dripping from oil. I’m drained, totally weak. My body is shaking. I feel like a newborn, unable to manage the streets back up to my place. I have no appetite but I need energy. Urgently. I grab a bag of chips from the shop. Slowly I manage to return myself back, taking an intense shower, rubbing everything off, throwing my worn clothes on the floor, grabbing my mat, redressing for class and hurriedly leaving again for split class. I feel even more exhausted than the days before. Nearly unable to move anyhow. Heavy. Dragging is not even a word anymore. My legs hurting and yet in the end I manage again to be the star of myself. I can’t believe I’ve managed every class masterfully. 

Food is calling for me although still no appetite. I feel I’m on the edge of my capacity so I call the sunrise trip off, giving myself space for a slow start into Christmas Day. And yet I cannot seem to fall asleep.