My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

https://www.instagram.com/p/ClU8M7tS_5l/?igshid=ZDFmNTE4Nzc= Any input mentally or material, nothing sticks. Everything runs through me, into nowhere. Lost in my disoriented body and mind. Holding the keys of three flats for me to live in, offered by them for me to stay, to live, to be for however long I want. „Lina. You’re back. How long will you be staying? Would you take care of my flat?“ another key. Another offer. My head spinning with all the information, all the love of my sweet souls, wanting to be with me. Moving from one place to the next. When are you coming back to me? Again and again I hear the when and where and what, forgetting it, making notes in my calendar, overwhelmed. Another time, another place, another friend. Coffee, biscuits, tea, cheese, bread, going to dinner, wine, beer, liquor, chocolates, gifts. My body a representation of mind, not holding all the delicious treats I’ve been missing for so long.   More offers. Do you need anything? Here I cleaned one dr...

For all the Boys Tears. Hiding them. Everywhere they come out. It’s that time of the year. Making them come to life, releasing the pain, the hurt we’re carrying in our hearts, cleansing. Were we taught to hide them, suppressing our pain deep inside in the dark. “I’ve never cried in front of anyone. See you made me cry now”. It’s my superpower. Maybe that’s what I’m here for.  Sometimes it feels like that is my journey, my mission. Revealing the pain of people’s hearts. Lightening them. Taking their burden. It’s not about me finding egocentric love in a partnership but to open people’s long hidden wounds, to finally heal. Soothing the immeasurable suffering of our past experiences, reprogramming our mind for love. For the beauty and ease of life.  Finding the hidden treasures of growth for our path, becoming what we are meant to be. Finding Closure. Closure from our past, opening the doors to our future that’s shining so bright ahead of us if we find the courage to change, to f...

11:11:11:11. The chosen one. The last days have broken. Half a year of journey in this world that has shown me my most fragile  self  as well as my strongest. A journey that’s been trying to break me multiple times, push me over my limits repeatedly from the beginning until the very end. Each time another young man sent, promising to protect me, only so to feel safe enough to trust, to let my guard down, to love and let go of what may have been my experiences, to then when I feel in a safe space, I feel loved and held to be confronted with the same pain of not being appreciated, cared for or loved but pushed away, over the edge, far out into darkness without a warning. Rejected. Left without my understanding or involvement.   My aggressions, my defense mechanisms gradually growing over time, becoming angry as my soul trying to protect me from more harm. It didn’t work. As it is not me. It never has been. I’m trusting, I’m loving, I love life. I love Love. I wanna be free,...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CkWJk3MJj4f/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= Schizophrenia. Romantic partner. Affirmation:  I am a romantic person. I invite romance into my life.   You will find new romance. A new partner will come into your life and bring new love or an old love will come back to you, reigniting your love.  Oh no. If I’m lucky enough both. Message received. As I would see in literal manifestation the next morning. Message received was message deleted.  I open my eyes. I look at my phone. It was him. After almost a month. Romantic partner.  This message was deleted . Twice. In the middle of the night. I’ve called the sleeping ghosts. The sleeping ghost. Full moon. The tarot. The ceremonies. The Mantra singing all day. Om. The beginning and the end. Shiva and Shakti. The creator and the destroyer, the full moon eclipse of letting go, transformation, growth, forcing us out of comfort zones, fears being dissolved, sudden shifts, surprising change. Transformatio...

The Tea stall. Chai time. My bottle and me on the way back, yet not to return but to encounter the longest night in the holy place. India, teaching me life. Teaching me about true love, courage and compassion. You set me free.  Thank you for confronting me again and again from the first day I set foot in this country with the same situations. It took that time for me to learn. Half a lifetime. Half a year. Half of everything, my love, yet to be completed as I still love him. Only him. That was the lesson. I’m my own jewelry. Not a decoration for anyone else to shine.  Scars shining all over my body I'm a work of art Scars shining all over my body I'm my own jewelry You can see me from far My shining scars, my shining stars protect me from myself When I finally understood that I was the universe I embraced myself and the others too I'm divine We are divine We are the elements and our power is limitless I'm not afraid cos I'm the love And you shouldn't be afraid c...