Exposed

 Danger is coming, danger is coming uh uh uh uh... No the supervisor is coming and wanted to tell me something. How is it that I'm so fragile to when people come to me to talk to me about things, I always feel like something is wrong. With me. When at the same time I know cognitively, rationally it's fine, you're good, you're doing a great job. Communication. I learn here on a whole different level. And it evokes fear in my. Hurt. I'm hurt, I'm scared. There's always something at most when I don't now what to expect, what to deal with. I wonder how some people are so carefree when every little thing gets to me even when I've learned not to let it show. At least to deal with it for myself.

When I know something is coming I get this tightness in my chest. This heat rising up, my throat tightening as if I was going to die. Someone will stab me, hurt me. I try mentally prepare myself, calming myself, put the bigger picture but in this situation where I feel unseen at times, misunderstood, understimated, undervalued it's hard to keep myself at balance. It's hard to even just go through a normal conversation where someone is telling me, potentially devalue me although I know better. It makes the fear grow in me so strongly as if there's no escape as if there's nothing I can do. Loss of control.

The moment I find myself exposed, unsafe, in a situation I cannot predict concerning human behavior it's like my existence, my safety is being threatened.

I have her now. With me. But he has her too with him. And I am the lower key connection.