My Spiritual Ego - Morning pages einer Erwachenden

  About:Blank About:Blank Love About:Blank MagicM Love About:Blank About:Blank About:Blank About:Blank Watch tears while they fall down.  I’m fighting me ego. Lost youth where did we go wrong.  Oh the past it haunted me, oh the past wanted me dead, oh past tormented me. But the battle was lost cause I’m still here.  You loved me and I froze in time. Hungry for that flesh of mine.  I’m falling to pieces.  I thought I was part of you.  I’m standing in the flames it’s beautiful kind of pain Setting fire to yesterday, find the light You’re so familiarized  With what having to swallow this pill is like It happens all the time, they take your heart and steal your life And it's as though you feel you've died 'Cause you've been killed inside But yet you're still alive Which means you will survive What were you thinking? Why did you let go? I was still holding you What were you thinking? Why didn't I know When I was right there with you? This too shall pas...

  Coming home after what’s been almost two years, making me feel lost, out of space, in a matrix like I’ve arrived in the wrong world. A cold one. One that’s dark, fast, disconnected as I am. Starting with hours of delay in tears in this artificial lights of shopping mall vibes, I sit and can barely breathe. My view getting blurry from my tears. My heart can barely take it. I’m shaking in agony, pain. I want to vanish. Barely have I felt such yearning. I want to go back. To that warm place that I’ve spent over half a year. A place that despite all  pain made me feel like I was ok. Like I was held in space and time no matter what. Even throughout the last months of heartbreak, of overwhelming suffering from what I thought would be love, I would feel Mother Earth holding me, curing me. I was healing, deeply connected. Growing beyond what I knew I was capable of in the darkest place of having been abandoned, mistreated, used and thrown away multiple times; I would feel my heart e...

https://www.instagram.com/p/ClU8M7tS_5l/?igshid=ZDFmNTE4Nzc= Any input mentally or material, nothing sticks. Everything runs through me, into nowhere. Lost in my disoriented body and mind. Holding the keys of three flats for me to live in, offered by them for me to stay, to live, to be for however long I want. „Lina. You’re back. How long will you be staying? Would you take care of my flat?“ another key. Another offer. My head spinning with all the information, all the love of my sweet souls, wanting to be with me. Moving from one place to the next. When are you coming back to me? Again and again I hear the when and where and what, forgetting it, making notes in my calendar, overwhelmed. Another time, another place, another friend. Coffee, biscuits, tea, cheese, bread, going to dinner, wine, beer, liquor, chocolates, gifts. My body a representation of mind, not holding all the delicious treats I’ve been missing for so long.   More offers. Do you need anything? Here I cleaned one dr...

For all the Boys Tears. Hiding them. Everywhere they come out. It’s that time of the year. Making them come to life, releasing the pain, the hurt we’re carrying in our hearts, cleansing. Were we taught to hide them, suppressing our pain deep inside in the dark. “I’ve never cried in front of anyone. See you made me cry now”. It’s my superpower. Maybe that’s what I’m here for.  Sometimes it feels like that is my journey, my mission. Revealing the pain of people’s hearts. Lightening them. Taking their burden. It’s not about me finding egocentric love in a partnership but to open people’s long hidden wounds, to finally heal. Soothing the immeasurable suffering of our past experiences, reprogramming our mind for love. For the beauty and ease of life.  Finding the hidden treasures of growth for our path, becoming what we are meant to be. Finding Closure. Closure from our past, opening the doors to our future that’s shining so bright ahead of us if we find the courage to change, to f...

11:11:11:11. The chosen one. The last days have broken. Half a year of journey in this world that has shown me my most fragile  self  as well as my strongest. A journey that’s been trying to break me multiple times, push me over my limits repeatedly from the beginning until the very end. Each time another young man sent, promising to protect me, only so to feel safe enough to trust, to let my guard down, to love and let go of what may have been my experiences, to then when I feel in a safe space, I feel loved and held to be confronted with the same pain of not being appreciated, cared for or loved but pushed away, over the edge, far out into darkness without a warning. Rejected. Left without my understanding or involvement.   My aggressions, my defense mechanisms gradually growing over time, becoming angry as my soul trying to protect me from more harm. It didn’t work. As it is not me. It never has been. I’m trusting, I’m loving, I love life. I love Love. I wanna be free,...